Which she’d always known she did and dreamed about and all she’d thought about from the day he’d left her in Moscow and made even more ridiculous what had happened the previous night. Of course she was frightened: would be, for weeks and months and years. But that wasn’t sufficient reason for what she’d done and said. Or rather, hadn’t said. Natalia hadn’t known then and didn’t know now why she’d been so stupid. Stupid and ridiculous and…her mind seized, trying to find words in either Russian or English brutal enough to fit her idiocy and self-anger and failing. Just apologize: hold him and love him and apologize. Natalia was impatient for the day to be over, to put things right between them. She was distracted at the air show, which she didn’t enjoy anyway because there was too much noise and too much technical discussion and because she couldn’t really see the purpose of her being there at all. And unconsciously – but dangerously – dismissive to others in the Soviet delegation until Gennadi Redin asked if something were wrong or if she were unwell, and Natalia made a belatedly determined effort to show she was neither and take attention – and curiosity – away from herself.
