What is the use of going on like this? I atn not unaware of your interest in me, having received from your clammy hands to date more priceless jewels of the Orient than I can possibly wear without appearing to be vulgar. And while we are on the subject, can you really believe that if I were to incorporate Cleopatra’s coronet into my coiffure, such ostentation would not arouse your wife’s criticism, should she notice the adornment? I do not wish to hurt your feelings by sending back these items; but under separate cover you will find your no doubt well meant oysters, which I am returning unopened, being conscious of their reputedly aphrodisiacal properties. I would have preferred not to have to write this somewhat cruel letter, hoping to have eliminated the necessity for it by my previous behaviour; which has included, you may recall, striking you with a metal tea-tray at our first meeting, and subsequently screaming at your passionate approach, shuddering at your tentative touch, et cetera.
