—ALICE MILLER The roots of your parents’ control can often lie in events that occurred long before you were born. As one woman I interviewed said, “Knowing my mother’s past allows me to feel less like a victim. Knowing her past means she isn’t just this person who did mean things to me. It’s what happened to her, and her mom, and her mom’s mom.” Controlling parents tend to be children of trauma. Trauma is an unexpected or shocking event or series of events that threatens your life or some vital part of yourself. This is not to say that everyone who has experienced trauma will grow up to be controlling. Nor is it true that every controlling parent experienced early trauma. But two factors are markedly common: a. Controlling parents tend to have suffered severe and often multiple traumas as children. b. They got little or no help in facing the consequences of the trauma. This combination of trauma without help can lead to overcontrol. Four kinds of trauma are especially wounding to children: Loss of a parent: Physical loss through death or abandonment; emotional loss through marked emotional rejection or neglect.
What do You think about If You Had Controlling Parents?
