I had organized all her journals chronologically though I hadn’t opened any of them to read any of her words.I felt reckless and grabbed one of the notebooks out of order and allowed it to fall open to a page. I used to put a date on these entries but what difference does it make when I am the only one to read them? I have decided to just talk about how much time we have been together and I think that is enough. It’s been a little over a year and R. keeps amazing me and frightening me. I sometimes wonder if he does what he does to drive me absolutely batty or if he is trying to help me?We have some pretty wild and amazing times together but none of that made me fall in love with him. It’s the person he is when it’s just the two of us and he is completely vulnerable and I can see the real him. I want to worship him and lay at his feet for hours but he eschews that kind of behavior. He says it is too much like how S. treats his slaves and he doesn’t want that.I don’t even know their names because S.