Is it wrong that I don't want to go back? Allie accused me of running away when things get tough. Is that what I'm doing? Running from the ghosts haunting me back in Afghanistan? If I reenlist, I'm going to get sent back eventually, because this bullshit isn't ending anytime soon. It's just getting worse by the day. I don't want to die there. I've barely had a chance to live, and I don't want my blood soaking the ground beneath the feet of my would-be murderers. The last time I was lucky to leave on my own accord, on my own two feet, with all my limbs intact the way I arrived. I don't want to know if my luck ran out. And I don't want to be pulled away from my family, from the people I love. Like Mia, that little spitfire. And my mother. I think she needs me here as much as I need her. And Allie. I close my eyes at this realization. I don't want to leave Allie not knowing if I'll ever come back. I fold the forms, put them back in the envelope, and toss it on my kitchen table.
