Then the scratching of notes. It finishes and, judging by the look on his face, it’s no use blurting out, ‘Did I pass?’ I always wondered if they profiled the aspirants and attached a handle, or was it to test if the fellow was a moron? I wondered how effective they would be if overrun by an enemy and the sergeant yelled, ‘Everybody grab a weapon.’ Over the years I tried it out. Once I gave a stupid answer to ‘And how have you been?’ I replied, ‘I think I’m a rabbit.’ ‘Why?’ the interviewer said. I bared my top teeth and made a rabbit noise. The same fellow interviewed me in my usual test later on. ‘Last time we met, you said you thought you were a rabbit. Any change since then?’ ‘Big one, doc. I’ve graduated.’ ‘What are you this time?’ ‘A gorilla.’ He sighed and looked at me. ‘Why?’ ‘I can’t stop eating bananas.’ He opened up. ‘Stop pissing in my pocket.’ ‘Now you’ve got it right.’ I said.
