I keep looking at Becky who’s working at another table, but she doesn’t look at me. Evelyn is also there. She stays on her phone for the entire hour. I check my blog and there’s a message: Anonymous: Thought for the day: Why do people believe in God? I check the Solitaire blog, and the top post at the moment is a gif of a little boy blowing bubbles out of one of those plastic pots. A barrage of bubbles bursts into the air and up into the sky, and the camera looks up at them and sunlight shines through, lighting them up pink and orange and green and blue. Then the gif repeats, and you see the little boy again, blowing the bubbles into the sky, the boy, the bubbles, the sky, the boy, bubbles, sky. When I get home, even Mum notices that something’s changed and she tries half-heartedly to get it out of me, but I just end up back in my room. I walk around for a little bit and then lie down. Charlie comes into my room and asks me what’s wrong. Just as I’m about to tell him, I start crying and it’s not even silent tears this time, it’s proper bawling and I hate myself so much for it that it makes me literally barricade my face from the air with my arms and cry so hard that I stop breathing properly.
