The Reluctant Time Traveller (2014) - Plot & Excerpts
Noble was speaking to me. “Ash goes oot the back on the compost heap. Guid for the grass. Some fires hav’nae been swept for months. Once they’re a’ swept, black them and polish them. Then hoik the coal up. Set a’ the fires. Dinnae drop coal dust. Dinnae get grubby fingerprints on the wa’s.”I stared at him. I’m sure my jaw was falling open. It was like he was reciting a weird poem to his boots. I didn’t understand anything. I felt like laughing and saying, ‘Ok, joke over. Let’s go out on our bikes. Let’s go and see a movie. Let’s stuff our faces with popcorn and fizzy drinks then play the Xbox.’ But he just kept going.“Dinnae dae onything tae fash sister Elsie. She’s no been well. Dinnae dae onything tae fash the housekeeper. She’s got a right short temper on her. The gardener keeps his own company. And for God’s sake, dinnae look the wrong way at Gaunt. Dinnae dae onything against the…” then he stopped in his flow and actually looked at me, “terms an’ conditions.”
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