Each month spins past until it becomes a year without my knowing, and though I used to feel that my journal kept me going, lately I just can’t bear the thought of writing in it. Mama said it’s probably because of Suzanne, and that you are never the same after a child dies. That made me wonder what she was like before Clover died, because I don’t think I really knew my own mother until I had children, and if she was different before, I don’t remember it.Our children are growing quickly and no more have been added to our family. After the one I lost, there was never another, even though we both wanted more and tried so hard. I spend a lot of time helping with the children’s schoolwork. Mostly our lives seem pretty ordinary and all the tumult of our early marriage is gone.Jack stays in town all day. Rusty stays by his side. He is more Jack’s dog than mine, and even more than Toobuddy ever was. Every time they answer a fire call, there is Rusty right up there between Jack’s legs, grinning his sparkly eyed dog grin, excited to go to the fire.
