Man walks into a barber's. Asks for a Tony Curtis. Falls asleep as the barber sets to work. When he wakes up, he's bald as Yul Brynner. "I asked for a Tony Curtis, you fool." "Aye," says the barber. "It's what he'd get if he came in here." Hair-cutting, like many other things in life, is related ...
Legal Attachés Damien Crow and Lara Cameron, the FBI's representatives in London, England, had been granted authority to become involved in the investigation. Well out of their remit, but the horrible nature of the crime and the uproar that it had caused in their homeland – it'd been a slow news ...
Exhausted. Had slept badly the previous night, then again when he’d tried to catch up on the plane, and on the train down from Paddington. When he had slept, he’d dreamt about Durrant, and when he’d awoken, he’d wondered if the dreams had all been of his own mind, the usual fervour of a vivid ima...
(It was on seeing him sitting in just such a position that Thackeray had come up with the execrable idea for the PM/Chancellor breakfast party political broadcast, about which the PM was still kicking himself. He'd already heard rumours that black market copies of the video were selling for $50 a...
An honest man. Weird name; honest nevertheless.They'd called him a variety of things in school. Foetus. Fester. Fetid. Fungus. One Horse, although that's a completely different story. Neither had he been strong, the schoolboy Festus, and so he'd been teased and bullied, every aspect of his charac...
Steven Washington had risen from nothing in the television world to be the most recognised, feared and reviled man in the business. When he pronounced, people listened, when he gave instructions, they were acted upon immediately. 'I am not the kingmaker,' he had said when he'd reached the height ...
It was hot, so that your shirt stuck to your chest and your armpits smelled like they'd been napalmed. But not Jade Weapon's armpits. They were smooth, delicious and fragrant, and smelled of sex. 'Who's she shagging this time?' Proudfoot looked over the top of the book. Mulholland looked tired; o...
Going to go up to Arrochar and speak to Crow. Haven't the faintest idea what I'm going to say to him, but I know if I don't follow this up it's just going to eat away at me. After that, I don't know. Depends a lot on what he says, although I'm not sure how I'll raise the subject. Just have to win...
Hadn't been in this area in a thousand years. I didn't feel like drinking coffee. Had a small fruit salad and a glass of orange juice.It had been a few hours since I'd left the Stand Alone. I hadn't got any more information from Janine, but maybe that didn't matter. It was never going to be so ea...
Not good for the waistline at my age. The line who ate all the mince pies? was first spoken for a reason. I have a box of them at home, which means that I'll likely have one with a cup of tea when I get in – if I don't go to the pub, and after last night, I'm really not going to the pub – and the...