At last, he rose, the hour too early for light even in summer, and sat at her silver-leafed kitchen table, his hands clasped—a guilty person. He tried to reason through his options, but even though, restless in bed, he could think of nothing but sitting across from Otto, their conversation writing itself in his mind like a false letter, now, at the table, his head filled with a stubborn blankness. He chuckled sullenly. And what would Grandmother say about this turn? Was she an accomplice in Grandfather’s subterfuges, and if so, an eager one or ashamed? Slava couldn’t imagine Grandmother ashamed, even of sin. And yet, she was an upright person. So upright he couldn’t imagine her loving Grandfather more than her own uprightness. But she was upright only toward loved ones. Slava mashed his hands together in agony, his eyes burning with a fatigue that made clear thinking impossible. He had been writing letters about his grandmother for weeks, but in moments like this, he felt as if he knew her barely at all, like a territory that grew larger the more of it you walked.
