AARP The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated And Abused--and Start Standing Up For Yourself (2011) - Plot & Excerpts
I would recommend this book to the girls who wonder why they keep meeting awful horrible men, and feel like they're being manipulated and used by people around them. Most times, it is hard yes to place a margin between being patient and being ..used. This is for the girls who always reason why people do the awful things they do, why we need to be understanding that everybody is going through some kind of" battle " (there's no such thing in real life. people are respectful because they are respectful, and people are rubbish because they are rubbish)" and why we need to be understanding. Im also recommending this because as shared in the book's varied case studies, we can all take a step back and look at our life outside the circle, we will be able to find some similarities in the case studies. It is an empowering book. I learn so much about myself from this book. Now I am a little embarrassed that I was interested enough in reading this book. My intuition told me that this would be a book that would piss me off, but I did not want to dismiss it without giving it a shot. I am pleased to say my gut feelings were proven only partially right; I surprisingly was still able to get something out of this book. I finished this book with a surprising feeling of validation, empowerment, and eagerness to use the new skills I read in here.I am indisputably a Nice Girl; I have consistently been someone who has been very kind (sometimes overly so) to those I love even if they do not treat me with a fraction of the amount of love and respect I provide them. I inevitably would get upset/confused as to why people I treat well consistently treat me like crap, but now it really has helped me realize my actions and my love will not change the actions of others. Being fair does not guarantee fair treatment.Anyway, one problem is that I felt that the stories that Engel wrote did not relate to me very well. I generally have this problem and I am not sure if it is just me or not, but I struggle to find profiles or examples of other people in self-help type books that really resonate with me. The list that Engel procure as to why I am Nice Girl and how I need to change it were almost useless to me, but I was able to write my own personalized tips between the lines to make them relevant to my life.My issues with the book: it was heteronormative, it placed the burden on victims to not be mistreated or abused, and it felt like it was full of contradictions. She insists she isn’t victim blaming but talks about how women “let” themselves be abused; I honestly believe that abuse can be inevitable with no regards to the victim’s personality. She says that women “biologically” are this and men are “hard wired” for that (bleh), but then talks about how women are socialized to be passive in this patriarchal world (which is more talking my language).Overall I am still happy I read this book, despite its shortfalls. While I was able to decipher what I would need to take out of this book, I wonder if many readers would be able to do the same. She starts off the book with insisting that she isn’t victim blaming, but I think we are in dangerous territory when we continue to concentrate on writing self-help books for women on avoiding emotional and physical abuse and don’t think about writing books about “hey, don’t abuse people even if they’re really nice.” This belief gave me an overall uneasiness about this book and I don’t think I’d necessarily recommend the whole thing, but I would probably be willing to recommend a passage or two with my personal notes and disclaimers.
What do You think about AARP The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated And Abused--and Start Standing Up For Yourself (2011)?
I scored 20 out of 23 in the questionnaire.. I'm quite shocked and horrified by myself right now =(
—jhae
This is a great book, especially for those of us who can be too nice at times.
—caitygreen
