Back through the 90s, I was a big fan of Richard Laymon and picked up most of his novels though after “The Stake”, he fell into the habit of producing brick sized tomes that featured a lot of white space, where not a lot happened in a lot of pages. It’s perhaps indicative that, according to my records, I’ve only read four of his books (including his amusing ‘memoir’ “A Writers Life”) in the past nine years. I thought it was perhaps time to try him again and picked this novel because a) I remembered very little of it and b) by the page count, it seemed brisk. Oh dear. Melanie Conway is a student, who plays violin and one day has a strange vision, believing either her father or sister to be dead. Melanie’s boyfriend, Bodie, packs them both up in his van and drives from Phoenix to LA. Father is indeed in trouble, victim of a hit-and-run and in the hospital they meet Melanie’s sister Pen, who’s a very attractive writer (with one published short story). They also meet Father’s new, much younger bride Joyce and his partner, the equally young Harrison. Coincidence strikes upon happenstance and suddenly, Melanie is convinced that Joyce and Harrison engineered the accident and want away with the old man. That’s it, pretty much - a decent tale in novella form stretched way beyond breaking point into a novel. Melanie, the character, changed from fragile to lunatic over the course of the book, but I never got a good grip on her either way. Joyce and Harrison are stereotypes, an updating pairing from ‘The Postman Always Rings Twice’ perhaps and I still couldn’t describe Bodie having just spent 300 pages reading about him. But Pen? Wow, what couldn’t I tell you about Pen? Reading this, I’d forgotten the other reason that put me off Laymon’s books, the lascivious nature in which he dwells upon every physical aspect of the lead female character, never once missing a chance to describe the way her breasts push out her sweater, how her nipples feel, how often her belly gets exposed, the length and tan-ness of her legs, what panties she’s wearing or, in one classic moment, the fact that Pen notices the blonde bush between her legs. It’s often uncomfortable reading, as if you’d wandered into a book club for dirty old men and I found myself scanning these sections, especially one where she loses a pair of panties in the laundry room (cue half a dozen lines with “he has my panties” before, at the end, realising she’s wearing them). After apparently wrapping the gossamer thin plot up, Laymon then adds on a chapter of less than three pages, which shows that the accident wasn’t down to Joyce and Harrison, therefore making a mockery of half the novel that came before it. A real disappointment (because Laymon CAN write) and a bit of a waste of time.
Melanie has strange visions of death so when she collapses one night, her boyfriend Bodie agrees to take her to find out who is hurt. Her sister Penny is hiding in her apartment, scared to death that she has a pervert stalker. Family secrets, jealousy and betrayal follow as Bodie finds himself attracted to Penny. Shite pretty much sums this up! There's no horror or suspense that you come to expect from Laymon and just no plot at all. It was boring, annoying and nothing about it interested me at all. Waste of time.
What do You think about Alarums (1994)?
At no point did I consider ALARUMS a great book by any stretch, but I'll admit it was halfway decent for the most part. Decent, that is, up until the last four or five chapters, when the whole story goes completely off the rails and into Bizarro land. ALARUMS is Laymon's obvious attempt to write something closer to Dean Koontz, whose advice he respected and whose success he admired. By Laymon standards, the book is very tame. And by "tame," I mean R-rated as opposed to NC-17. (Unlike most Laymon followers, I ONLY read the books of his that I've heard are relatively tame.) And, unlike the other Laymon novels I've read, it's the plot that's at fault here and not the writing.In ALARUMS, Laymon introduces three pretty likable characters, then spends the whole story slowly making you hate their guts. By the end, you really couldn't care less what happens to them. Laymon also has a problem with characterizing love as simply a perpetual state of horniness... His idea of a love scene consists of frenzied groping and people shoving their tongues down each other's throats. As a matter of fact, I would say that ALARUMS has the worst romantic subplot of any book I've ever read EVER. I wish I could make myself believe that he meant it as some kind of practical joke on his readers.Same thing applies to the "twist" ending that makes you wish Laymon was still alive just so you could track him down and throw the book at his head. Other problems with the book include a very pedestrian storyline, an important subplot with absolutely no payoff, a lack of explanation for the occurrence of telepathic dreams, and characters who make incredibly dumb decisions--like assaulting a stranger and stealing his car to go check on someone...instead of, you know, just asking to use a phone.
—John
I have been on a Laymon kick. Just finished reading 'Alarums' which I'm pretty sure I read before although it is quite forgettable. More of a mystery than a horror novel. I love my Laymon but would not recommend this to Laymon newbies. Only a diehard fan would attempt to even finish this story. (I guess that makes me a Richard Laymon diehard fan:))This novel lacks all the reasons I read Laymon in the first place:1. 80s cheesiness2. Sex and violence3. Incredibly unique and fun characters and dialogue4. Page turning action and adventureI am now moving on to 'Quake' which I am positive is about the only Laymon book I have left to read that I did not read in the past. I am very excited since it seems to be written in his usual style.
—Mylene
