I have recently found my biological brother after a very long search covering years and I looked very hard to find a book that would help me sort out some of my feelings. I found that not only were there hardly any books on adoptions period, but that the library collection of them was even worse. I finally decided on this one because even though the synopsis was not the same as what I was living, it was still similar.I really felt like the author nailed it. There were so many times I was reading the book and would think, "That's absolutely true. That happened!" I wish I had made notes to comment on as I can't remember all of them now, but the book was very believable.[Spoiler alert:]Towards the end when you learn about Steve's affair (although I have major issues with calling sleeping with a person one time an affair, but regardless), I was stunned. I was totally on Nathalie's side and couldn't believe that he could have cheated on her. And then I realized that when I finally found my brother, we devoted our entire time to each other. My husband had made a comment to me that I shouldn't forget about him, and my brother's wife had gotten upset at the amount of time we were in contact with each other. And that's when I realized that that does happen.When Betty told Cora that the photo she had of Nathalie was enough and Cora insisted it was not nearly enough, I got it. Having a picture of my brother meant nearly nothing to me. You want to take the relationship further - you want to see what will happen, how this other person turned out.And then when they did meet, and they found out that they may be blood, but they were two different people, with different lifestyles - another thing spot on. You think you're going to have an instant connection - and some people absolutely do, but for others, you spend a lot of time struggling to regain things (time) that you will never be able to regain.When I read that Carole's family was leaving for her first visit with David, but that they would be back later, it didn't even dawn on me how detrimental that could be. Until she revealed to David that her husband and sons wanted to meet him. He was stunned and I pictured a "deer in headlights" look upon his face. My brother and I still have not met family beyond spouses because nearly four months in, we still aren't 100% sure about our relationship. Telling your biological son that your husband and others sons are going to meet him that day is such a bad idea - unless you have discussed it first.Just in these examples, the story is extremely realistic, and I encountered this throughout the book. I am glad that such a book was written and only wish that the number of books available on the topic were greater. Having said that, I think Trollope really did it well.One issue I had with the book was the ending. It just stopped. I don't expect that everything would be wrapped up all perfectly, but I expected some sort of closure. Some sort of winding down all that the author had started. Second issue is that there were a lot of characters and I often got Daniel and David confused and more than once I had to stop and think about who Steve was because I couldn't remember. Lastly, there was a lot of lead up of the book, but not much of a climax. They each met their mother once and that was it. I have done a lot of research throughout my own journey and found that that's just not accurate. Sure, some people see each other once and never again, but the majority do stay in touch, at least through email or phone calls. The idea that Nathalie and David would meet their mothers once and then the book would end is unrealistic and sloppy. There could have been significantly less build up, and more time spent on developing a relationship (or lack thereof) with their mothers. There was a lot of potential there, but instead it just ended.
Precis: Two children adopted into the same family attempt to find their birth family. Tears and happiness await.I have read too much Trollope. I can honestly say that I have met many of the characters in this book before in Trollope’s other books, and that they are behaving the same now as they did then. I know that most of the marriages will be undergoing power struggles, with the people in it unhealthily dependant on each other. I know that some of the adult children will be incapable of living independently, and will unfairly blame their parents for anything that fails in their own lives, blame unflinchingly accepted by at least one parent who accepts that they have in some way let that child down.Personally my childhood was much harder than any described in any of Trollope’s books, and I have never attacked my parents over that, nor given responsibility to anyone for my mistakes, and really dislike reading about the soppy beggars who cannot get their act together.Saying all that, Trollope writes well, sometimes beautifully, and one character I had not met before, in any book, was Polly – an enchanting, spoiled 5 year old. However, it’s not enough. I have read all of the Trollope books that I bought, and shall not read any more.********************Thinking it over, the most annoying thing for me about Trollope's novels is how tidy they are. Everyone is aware of the source of their moods, or actions. People communicate freely and clearly. Life is much more muddled than this, much more confused,. People are much more helpless in real life.
What do You think about Brother And Sister (2005)?
A slightly slow paced novel which deals with adoption and its aftermath. Two adopted children, a girl and a boy (brother and sister of the title) go in search of their natural parents, though they had a comfortable life at home with their loving adoptive parents. Their identity search upsets the apple cart and causes distress, depression, feeling of inadequacy and similar negative emotions in their near and dear. Their birth mothers are also affected. It was an interesting read with deep psychological issues, which are difficult to decipher at first glance. I was totally in an alter world while reading this book.
—Ahtims
Two adults embark on a self-finding/mother-finding journey to resolve their past. Adoption is a vehicle, rather than a theme, and while family plays an important role, there is no obsessions with it. Trollope's adept at weaving lives together and I have read few books that imitate real life so well. Her ability to move from one character to the next, and to reach so deeply into each character is mesmerizing. There are a lot of characters though, so if you're Peefer, you should probably not read it. I can't speak highly enough of Trollope. She doesn't write a single unnecessary word and yet her attention to detail is enveloping. Brilliant.
—Abigail M.
Nathalie and David are the adopted children of Ralph and Lynne Dexter. Now in their 30s with families of their own, they decide to search for their birth mothers. It's easy to see why Joanna Trollope is such a well-known writer of domestic dramas. I feel if she were to discover the secret feelings of any of our families and households, she could probably spin a pretty interesting yarn, with the blends of personalities to be found beneath one roof.I think another of Trollope's trademarks is giving every character a chance to have a scene written from their point of view, including not only Nathalie's five-year-Polly but David's two-year-old Petey. I was once told that authors should limit point of view characters to six at the most. This is definitely not a rule Trollope adheres to. I tried to think of a character in this novel who didn't get a point of view scene, and there were very few. For her, having so many works well. I think this is partly because it shows how our own lives may be impacted by the decisions of people who remain total strangers to us. To give just one example, David's antagonistic half-brother, Martin, never meets Nathalie, but unbeknown to him, it was Nathalie's idea and pressure which brought David into his life. There are many more such as these. It's interesting to think that ripple effects are often taking place in our lives.It's interesting to see the number of people affected by the decisions of two people to delve into their pasts. The adopted siblings believe it has nothing to do with anyone but them, yet not only their birth families are affected, but their own spouses, children and adopted parents. Their partners, Steve and Marnie, take Nathalie and David by surprise with their reactions. And although it's never stated outright, it seems that neither of them ever forget that Nathalie and David are not really blood siblings at all. There's always an undercurrent of jealousy.The other thing I noticed is that it's easy to fool ourselves into thinking something we really don't. Nathalie always convinced herself that she found being adopted liberating because she could forge her own path and wasn't bound by expectations based on her bloodline. However, it comes out that she really feels the lack of knowing her background and the hurt from wondering why her birth mother felt the need to give her away.I was quite satisfied with the conclusions each of the siblings came to when they finally met their biological mothers.
—Paula Vince
