I’m frenziedly tapping away on my keyboard, surfing the www. Maybe he’s right. Maybe she’s ill. Maybe she’s very ill. The headaches. The constant hospital visits. The porter. The wildly overprotective ‘sister’ figure… Kidney failure. Must be. She’s on dialysis. I key frantically into Google. Dialysis… Ping! The Kidney Dialysis Foundation. Now we’re talking… So it transpires that the kidneys are a pair of bean-shaped organs located to the rear of the abdomen (6cm wide, 11cm long, 3cm thick, weighing in at 160 grams). They’re made up of one million nephrons (and the nephrons are made up of a million other things. But let’s not get into all that, eh?). The kidney’s main function is to remove toxins, waste and excess water from the body, but it also maintains the balance of salts and releases a variety of hormones…(Perhaps this could explain the mood swings?). Symptoms of a kidney disorder… Uh…A burning sensation passing water (Right. Okay). Blood in the urine (Yeah.