Comeback: A Mother And Daughter's Journey Through Hell And Back (2007) - Plot & Excerpts
Mia is sexually abused at a very early age by her father, and this story is her struggle to deal with the emotional damage she suffers in her teenage years as a result of this terrible trauma. Mia goes from a very good student to a runaway druggie...in reality she had been using drugs for at least a year before running away. This is written by both Mia and her mother, Claire, offering parallel points of view throughout the book. This book was enlightening in that it was not just tough love that brought Mia back, it took drastic measures by the parents, too. Mia spent about two years in a behavior modification school, and her parents had to take training, also. This book is not just about the changes the daughter had to make, but her parents (mother and step=father) as well. It reinforces how we are all responsible for our actions and choices we make, even though sometimes we can't control what happens to us, we can control our reactions. The child as well as the parent. A very gripping story. I really liked it. It was NOT a religious book, but a few of my quotes are religious, just because the mother questioned God for what happened, and there are a few quotes when she works through the answers. I highly recommend this book, not only for the insight into child sexual abuse, drug use, street life, but also for taking responsiblity for your choices and actions in life.Quotes:"She lists her family's Ten C's for a loving, joyful, supportive family---the kind we don't have. Clarity, cooperation, choice, caring, change, ceremony, comedy, communication, commitment, conflict resolution. I glance at Paul and wonder if his list starts with chaos, catastrophe, or crisis. She makes two big circles on the other easel, labels one BELIEFS, then asks "What are your beliefs about what makes a good parent?" She goes to the other circle, writes "REALITY", faces us, and says "The reality is that you've got a kid on the program. And here's what bridges the gap between the two." She makes a little bridge between them, labeling it G-U-I-L-T. Now, she's talking... Guilt we get.""I remember something I read in Samantha Dunn's moving memoir of her spiritual awakening afater her horse nearly severed her leg. She wrote that when God wants your attention, first He throws feathers. After that, He starts throwing bricks.""I walk until I find the place I slept with Mia on a hot day under an umbrella. With her tied to my waist so she couldn't run away while I slept. In the end, she did run away, when I was asleep in my own life, when I wasn't looking because I didn't want to see. She untied the knot between us and ran as far and fast as she could. Because, I now believe, she knew, she always knew in her heart, that her mudder would catch her, still.""My relationship with God has evolved as well. I no longer rail or beg or sass back. I was standing on a bluff over the ocean the other day and suddenly laughed out loud as I realized what an illusion that was, what an impossibility. That would assume a relationship between a "me" and an "Other", a separation. There is no otherness; to be separate from God is to be separate from myself, from life itself. What I've been looking for , I'm looking with. ""But in trying to better understand my mom and build a relationship, I"m beginning to understand the ability of love to both create and destroy. I'd never been in love, never had a child, I'd never loved unselfishly. So I couldn't fathom how someone's live for me could also be their undoing, make life unbearable. I wasn't capable then of understanding the pain I caused, just as Sonia isn't now.""Through everything, I was still her little monkey, her little girl. I have always thought of my mother as my hero, and here she is making me feel like one!The process makes complete sense now, and it's so powerful in its simple metaphor. We blundered our way through the darkness to rediscover what was always within us. I think of my brave little self running into the dark to save my mom, much like she ventured into the darkness to save me, and feel happier than I think I ever have.""You graduate from here feeling ready to conquer the world. And you are. But there'll come that inevitable moment where the world conquers you, and it's then that you'll choose. We live by two things---love and fear. Every choice, every thought, every action, stems from one of these, and when you time comes, when you reach out---if you reach out---it's love that will save you. Love will get you through everything.""Mia plunged us into a darkenss that felt at times as if it would consume us both. But there is darkness in the womb as well; inside a cocoon only blackness is visible. Yet, the creature inside is exactly where it needs to be in order to transform itself. And there's only room for one. I could put Mia into a cocoon called Morava or Spring Creek, but only she could put her broken pieces back together and emerge the winged girl she is. Mia was never really mine all mine, as I had once thought. Mia only ever belonged to herself.""We normally spend years accumulating experiences before we gain wisdom. Mia' done it in reverse, gaining wisdom before accumulating most of her experiences. She watches Dr. Phil and shakes her head. "He's letting them off way too easy.""There is a vulnerability and honesty between Mia and I now that has transformed our relationship. People often marvel at how open we both are to giving and receiving the kind of feedback and coaching most people pay a professional a lot of money for. Still, the relationship between any mother and daughter is both primal and complex. The same intimacy and intensity that brings such joy to our relationship will also bring the inevitable storms; what we've learned is how to stay connected and communication through them.""It's funny how things come full circle. Morava and Spring Creek's philosophy is based primarily on accountability, of being aware fo your choices so you don't wake up one morning miserable and wonder how you got there. But, it's ironic that the most powerful lesson I learned, the awareness that you alone create your reality, is one that children instinctively know. It never occurs to them that there's anything they can't do or be. And it shouldn't occur to adults either; we've just grown accustomed to living with limitation."
Why do I keep reading memoirs? Because I keep hoping that people write them because they feel their life has something in common with the rest of us.Not to find out that a book is written by a spoiled "poor little rich mom" who becomes an armchair psychologist and can't stop spending thousands of dollars on boutique self-help programs.Now let's step back. You can read the description yourself and infer that this is a story about a teen runaway who enters an extremist reform school and ultimately becomes best friends with her mom. That is certainly part of the book, and in fact the best part of the book. Mia (the daughter) writes part of the story and her perspective is fascinating and personable--I think it really captures the mind of a troubled teen and its maturation into adult sensibility.Claire (the mom), on the other hand, is a small child in an adult's body whose "maturation" is long overdue and again, costs likely tens of thousands of dollars. She tells of an abusive husband who is to blame for the major psychological problems of both her and her daughter. Oh, and Claire's mom was cold to her as a child, so that's also why she is so messed up. Really? Really? I thought this fatalistic, Freudian view was archaic enough that we weren't still talking about it as the sole sculptor of adult mental illness. Claire insists that Mia's "stuff" has everything to do with being sexually abused as a child and very little to do with being raised by an incredibly neurotic mother. While Claire finally gets it (somewhat) at the end, the preceding narrative completely discredits all of the therapists, counselors, and friends who have been telling her so all along. Claire ultimately can't admit that she is supposed to be the adult here.In addition, the New Age-y "Discovery" and "Focus" programs in which Claire and Mia participate couldn't possibly work for the rest of us. I have no beef with self-confrontation workshops and their capacity for mental discipline, but let's be real here. The average tuition in 2005 for a school like those described in this book--ironically, schools affiliated with the organization abbreviated WWASP--was $50,000. Tell me about the families who really need their delinquent children in therapy who can afford that.It was just so frustrating to read this book when Claire was talking. Mia I have no problem with--she's both a victim of her upbringing and a normal teen, and the reason this book gets 3 stars. But the issue is that the book is dominated by Claire's self-important wallowing. The New York Times Book Review called this "a testament to the power of the love between a mother and a daughter." To me it felt like a testament to the power of money and manipulative seminars to place a Band-Aid on the repression, boredom, and waste of the upper class.
What do You think about Comeback: A Mother And Daughter's Journey Through Hell And Back (2007)?
I appreciate all that Claire and Mia Fontaine went through, and I almost hate to not write a good review of this book, but I am reviewing the book, not the people. I found the book to be basically what felt like an ad for a recovery program for teens (and parallel programs for the parents) that sounded very cult-like to me. It worked for Mia, who sounded seriously drug-addicted before entering the program (and I have to believe the mother knew nothing of this until she ran away, even though she was only 14-15), but after a while, reading the special language and way of thinking of the program gets very tiring. It also was hard for me to believe that Claire, the mother, stayed with her first husband as long as he did. He sounds like a monster. When someone comes across as that evil in a memoir, I always start to wonder if I am not seeing both sides of the story, although in this case, even a tenth of the bad things he did would be pretty bad. Overall, not a book that really engaged me or added much to my knowledge of the world portrayed here.
—Suzanne
I read this book because it was assigned to the graduate students I supervise as part of their internship experience. Co-written by mother and daughter Claire and Mia Fontaine, it's the story of their simultaneous recovery. It begins with Mia as an adolescent, starting to act out (drug abuse, promiscuity, cutting, eating disorder, etc) and inexplicably running away. After deeper examination, it appears that Mia is acting out unresolved trauma from being sexually abused by her biological father. After tracking her down, Claire and Mia's stepfather Paul send her to a special school/treatment facility. As part of Mia's treatment, Claire and Paul are also required to engage in group counseling and special workshops as parents of troubled teens. I liked that the story was told by both Mia and Claire and that their words were interspersed in each chapter. The reader is able to hear about the same time period and events from two different perspectives and see a parallel process of exploration and recovery. I am also happy that the treatment approach included Claire and Paul and that she was forthcoming with the details. It was interesting to read about Claire's process of becoming aware of her own dysfunction. The book is an effective illustration of family systems therapy in action.Overall, this was an interesting book and I am glad that the graduate students are reading it and I look forward to discussing it with them.
—Elyssa
This book left me not only disturbed, but also angry. I felt the mother, Claire, made some stunningly bad judgment calls - namely staying with a man she suspected might one day sexually abuse their daughter, Mia, which he did. Claire's reasoning was that he surely wouldn't abuse Mia as a preschooler, when she still had her "piglet" body, though she acknowledged he might in the future. This makes my head spin. I cannot comprehend a situation where I would allow my daughters to be around a man potentially prone to incest, abuse and pedophelia. All I could think while reading of Mia's eventual unraveling was that it should have been prevented. Her mother should never have allowed her to be in an environment where such pain could be inflicted upon her. It was a heartbreaking story, and I was always rooting for Mia to pull through. I applaud her for telling her story and facing her demons. She is obviously a strong young woman and it takes incredible strength of character to overcome something so insidious. I was impressed with Claire for working so fervently to help her child when things really turned dark. As a mother of two daughters, I can't comprehend what it would feel like to see my girls go down that path. However, I had little interest in Claire's personal story, as I just couldn't shake being mad at her. I really only cared what happened to Mia. This book stirred strong emotion in me, but I can't say I liked it.
—Courtney
