Ben will hardly even look at me. I think that makes it all the more difficult to deal with. I can’t talk to him about what I’m going through. If he knew how much I was hurting, he might suspect me. He’s smarter than the others, and he’s the only person who could tie me the death. The only way plan B will work is if he doesn’t name me until after he’s already been accused. Then it will just look like the sad attempts of a desperate man. I still feel bad putting him in this position, but there’s no other option. 10/6/08- I can’t believe what this quack said today! Dr. Gamboa actually recommended that I go on antidepressants! How ridiculous is that?! Like a pill could fill the hole Justin left in my heart. Am I really paying him to hear garbage like this? I’m furious right now. What Justin and I had wasn’t just your everyday romance. What we had was epic. It was the kind of love most people will never know; the kind they write books about. I don’t care how many pills I swallowed. They wouldn’t even begin to heal my soul. I just want to scream right now. I think I’m going to go to the gym before I give into my anger and go burn his house down...
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