‘I’ve checked it out already,’ he said. ‘No jobs. Saturday’s a better bet.’ Just to depress myself, I looked for relief milking on the net. That was an education. It looked like the pay rates were anywhere between $40 and $70 a milking. How long did a milking take? Pictures flooded into my head, and they weren’t pretty — mostly cow-shit green in colour. I swear I could smell it too. But I kept thinking about it. Say it took two hours to milk, and I got paid $40, that would be twenty bucks an hour. I’d almost convince myself it was a good idea. I wouldn’t have to get dressed up. I could take days off when I wanted to. But somehow I just couldn’t see myself doing it. The stink, the shit — I’d be squealing like those girls going into the sea. I went searching for driving tips instead, and lucked onto a discussion thread that interested me a lot. The posting that deeply appealed was about playing tricks on your mates.
