This is not my normal reading fare - but I was 3 years old when Fear of Flying came out. As I got older, I’d heard about it. It was on the must read list, mostly because it was so controversial (although not in this day and age). In my 30's I decided to read it and found myself a familiar protagonist. Thoughts and feelings I didn’t even know I had were brought to the surface by this book. And now, Erica Jong has done it again with her recently released novel Fear of Dying.Fear of Dying once again follows Vanessa – who is now 60 years old (although not really ready to admit it) and questioning everything she’s ever known about life and death. Her husband is twenty years older than her and not in the best of health. Sex is becoming less and less frequent, she’s watching her ailing parents slowly die from disease and old age, and can’t help but wonder what it’s all for? Jong is extremely frank and honest – and sometimes quite crude ( I could do without those parts) however, so many things she said resonated with me, even though I’d like to think I’m not anywhere near 60 at the moment. However it's true that I can no longer deny that I’m heading into the second half of my life.Vanessa wants to be young again, yet retain her wisdom, and who doesn’t want that? How many times have we said “if I only knew then what I know now?” Vanessa is questioning everything, including her faith, (or lack of one), her health, her parents, her daughter, her husband, and wondering how she got where she is right at this moment, and more importantly how can she be on her way to being a grandmother already?It’s a frank story about how we look at the second half of our lives. Wishing for the same excitement we had in our 20s (new relationships, sex, and should I have an affair to spice things up and feel young and attractive again?). It's fiction - an actual story, not a memoir, but written (I believe) from the author's actual perspective. It's ultimately about trying to figure out what’s important and what’s not when it comes to our lives. Finding out how we can be happy and if not happy, then content as we slide into old age.It’s a coming of age story for mid-life - or maybe I should be honest and call it what it is; a mid-life crisis story we can all relate to.
How many of us grew up in some ways with Erica Jong and Fear of Flying? For me, coming back to Erica Jong felt a bit like hearing a song from your college days on the radio; it brings back memories that make you happy, maybe just because you were younger then. Indeed, it’s hard to feel like you have left the Seventies when you are reading this book. It even includes a trip to India to gain enlightenment. Fear of Dying is narrated by Vanessa Wonderman, a 60-year-old former actress dealing with some difficult issues: a daughter who is struggling with substance abuse problems and suicidal tendencies; dying parents; and a husband who is 25 years older and no longer much of a sexual partner. Being surrounded by all these signs of aging and death makes Vanessa almost desperate to affirm life. She feels “despondent, deranged, depressed.” She muses about how as you get older, many people who have been a part of your life start dying off:“It gets harder and harder to deny your own death. Do we hold on to our parents, or are we holding on to our status as children who are immune from death?”She acknowledges: “Death is always here in life yet willed invisible because we cannot bear it any more than we can bear news that our sun will someday go out.”She loves her husband Asher, but has been experimenting with the website "zipless.com," trying to find someone with whom to have sex. So far, all the men she has encountered are weirdos and/or perverts. Eventually, Vanessa finds a way to absorb all the changes in her life in an ending that seemed a bit over the top to me. In any event, it felt to me like the plot was mostly an excuse to riff on letting go of fear of death and learning to focus on living and enjoying the moment. Evaluation: This book has gotten mixed reviews, and I would agree there are both good and disappointing aspects to it. Nevertheless, I’m glad I read it; there is much I could relate to, and moments of insight and humor that made the book worth reading.
What do You think about Fear Of Dying (2015)?
Did you read the reports on the event with feminists Erica Jong and Roxane Gay? It sounded brutal, like Jong was old and grumpy and Gay was bulldozed and hurt. This is the article I read, but if you google their names together, there are many accounts of the event.
—Joanne Tombrakos
Fear of Dying left its sticky fingerprints on my core. When I read Fear of Flying back in the day, I had a joyful, laugh-out-loud journey of liberation that left me feeling feisty and unstoppable. Now with Fear of Dying, Erica Jong has done it again but in the context of a more mature, experienced life. Instead of giving you the challenge to fight the status quo, this book frees you to embrace gratitude, appreciation and acceptance. I thoroughly enjoyed the read even though the big question still remained at the end: "Why do women always need permission to be ourselves?"Don't miss this book.
—Diane Fanning
Reviewed by MarissaBook provided by NetGalley for reviewReview originally posted at Romancing the BookWritten in first person dialog, I felt like I was reading someone’s personal diary. It was at times amusing and at others sad but it always felt true, as if Vanessa Wonderman is a real person that exists somewhere.As a teenager in the 70’s, I remember all the hype over Fear of Flying but never did read it myself. I’m now in my 50’s and, let’s face it, times have changed since Fear of Flying emerged with such sensationalism. We’ve surpassed zipless and are now emerging into Grey territory. As such, Fear of Dying is not an erotic tale but an honest and emotional journey of life after 60 by a woman trying to put the zing back into her monotonous life.Vanessa is a former actress who feels like life passed her by somewhere along the line. Her parents are old and sick, her daughter is grown up and having a baby and her sex life has been less than satisfactory. In fact, it’s been non-existent so she goes online to try and meet someone for a “zipless” flingI found this to be a wonderful story about a woman searching for something that may or may not be out there. I think most women our age are going through that, have been through that, or will go through that shortly. Fear of Dying is ChickLit at it’s finest hour.
—Romancing the Book
