Going Off Alarming: The Autobiography: Vol 2 - Plot & Excerpts
So I’ll walk around ladders, place unwanted mirrors carefully on to skips so as not to break them, throw salt about and open both front and back doors every New Year’s Eve. The only exceptions to this are a couple that come directly from the old man and that I have never heard of being adhered to by anyone else. Therefore, so as not to let these loopy tics die out because of my sluggishness, I will never watch a light go out, and if I see an ambulance I will hold my collar until I chance across a four-legged animal. Dad lumbered me with these when I was about six. The first I remember was delivered to me as we walked along Rotherhithe New Road and one of the streetlights went out as we approached it. ‘Fuck it,’ Dad barked. ‘You should never see a light go out. It means a death in the family.’ He then carried on casually talking about something else while I, now completely freaked out, tried to process this dreadful new information. To this day I will look away when flicking off a table lamp, look back and watch it come on again, then look away once more for its final extinguishing.
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