I’d slept like I was dead, that sleep where the time between when you drift away and slip back into life could be minutes or years. Everything seemed new in that moment, as if nothing had existed before the second when I woke. Shame it was only temporary. The day before seeped into my mind. Then the night. And then my heart ripped wide open again. I closed my eyes against the pain. Van. It was over in a way that was irreparable and final. His words circled around my mind, and I didn’t blame him for a single one, no matter how bad it hurt. He was right. I shouldn’t have gone back. Maybe he didn’t need the truth. Maybe I only did it for myself. I drew in a ragged breath. I was stupid to believe he could ever forgive me and selfish to take it back, even though it was the right thing to do. I only hurt him worse. I put him in a position where he felt he had to lie to the police to cover for me. I put my friends in danger. I put everyone at risk for what I wanted. Erin burst into my room, wound-up and wild-eyed, and I shot out of bed, heart skittering in my chest.
