Consider the Hedgehog.Now, if you're anything like me, the Hedgehog is a flashpoint, a lightning rod for controversy. You may be a resident of one of the many states that has banned them as pets. You may remember the vicious 2006 kerfuffle, where international outcry finally forced McDonalds to change the cap on their McFlurry line of . . . oh, hell . . . It doesn't contain any actual ice cream, so you can't really call it a milk shake, now can you? . . . to keep Hedgehogs from getting their little hedge-heads stuck in them. Or, you may recall the Internet campaign mounted to keep domesticated Hedgehogs from once again getting their heads stuck, this time in those little cardboard tube thingies that are left over when you use up all the toilet paper.If all this has you thinking about sex, you're not alone.So, I suppose it was kind of inevitable that someone . . . no, two someones, in fact, would eventually write the first WereHedgehog Erotica novel. When you consider the fact that Hedging His Bets wasn't published until 2013, you will doubtless be shocked to find that we have gone the entire length of recorded history until LAST YEAR without such a work. I don't know about the rest of you, but 2014 has seen some rough seas for all of us: Ebola, ISIS, Maury Povich *still* having his own talk show. It's nice to know that, at least in the world of sub-sub-sub-sub-sub genre literature, we are forging into bold new territory.Hedging His Bets centers around anthropomorphization, a word that English majors the world over have been unnecessarily using to make themselves sound smart for decades. The sexual power of the Hedgehog, with its practice of self-anointing its spines with a froth made from a mixture of saliva and a new scent it has found, or its propensity to suffer from Fatty Liver Disease, is undeniable, perhaps too much to be conveyed in its direct form. Hence, therianthropy becomes the only literary device available to reach the average reader without overwhelming them with the grunts, snuffles and squeals that most species of Hedgehog use to communicate.Enter Blake Carlisle, whose heavily-muscled frame is best suited for brooding moodily in doorways when he isn’t straddling his big-twin motorcycle. Blake is a quintessential “bad-boy.” We know this because the authors tell us. On page one. And as if the bald statement of both Carlisle’s bad-boy status and his heavily-muscled frame (body-frame, not door-frame, which is what he’s brooding moodily in) isn’t enough, we are given some other subtle cues:“ . . . he was stronger, faster, and meaner than any human alive. He could bench press cars without breaking a sweat or run a marathon before breakfast. If his sexual aura could be bottled and sold, it would make someone a fortune. Men wanted to be him, women wanted to be with him.”So, I’m going out on a limb here: Blake Carlisle is manly. And attractive. And strong. And . . . well. Let’s stop there lest some of the text’s crucial subtlety be lost.Blake has one small problem, however. Hedging His Bets takes place in a world similar to the one occupied by Sookie Stackhouse in Harris’ True Blood series – namely, a world where shapeshifters are de rigeur. And here is where the anthropomorphization comes into stark relief – yes, Blake is a therianthrope. Only, Blake “ . . . preferred to remain in his human form because the fates were bitches with a twisted sense of humor. There were werewolves and werecats, even bad-ass werebears. Blake was none of those. No, he’d lucked out in the small, spiny, and cute arena. Blake was a werehedgehog.”This revelation might make it difficult for some readers to appreciate Blake’s masculinity despite the aforementioned exhaustive list of qualities. Fortunately, Blake grounds us back in the reality of his manhood moments later by dismembering a chair with his bare hands. Blake performs this feat of brute strength in a show of virility intended to both woo and protect the object of his affections, the book’s protagonist – Honey.Honey owns the local watering hole, where she fends off the advances of the entirely male clientele whom she unintentionally lures with her crackerjack wit and bountiful curves. The authors are at some pains to relate the proportions of said bounty. “Fluffy-like-a-cloud” is used to great effect. In case you missed it, the point is this: Honey is a big girl.Let me break character here and say that this is perhaps the most refreshing part of this book. You know, apart from being the very first WereHedgehog Erotica novel, the book also goes against the standard urban fantasy trope. Honey is no Anna Panquin, the pixie dreamgirl of True Blood. She is unashamed of her figure, and her sexual identity is freely linked to it. Honey doesn’t worry about losing weight. She isn’t self-conscious about her appearance. She is turned on by who she is and by extension, able to turn Blake on as well. “Forget the stick-like bimbos who seemed to assume he’d find them irresistible,” Blake muses in one of the novel’s characteristically light-handed bouts of exposition, “He wanted a woman he could hold onto. A woman who wouldn’t break if he was a little rough . . . And sex with a were, even one like him [author’s note: he means, a hedgehog] could get a lot rough. And dirty. And oh so delicious.”The famed sex advice columnist Dan Savage admonishes his audience to be “GGG” which stands for “Good, Giving and Game.” The boiled down definition of GGG is that, sexual proclivity is as diverse and multifaceted as people who have sex. The rule of GGG is this: if it isn’t hurting anyone, then it’s all right. Savage famously takes all sexual desire seriously, never putting down those seeking his counsel unless they’re actually engaging in an act that’s physically or emotionally harmful. Hedging His Bets epitomizes the rule of GGG, with both Blake and Honey taking their respective sexuality seriously, regardless of weight, or the fact that one of them periodically transforms into a spiny, one-pound animal that subsists almost exclusively by eating insects. If I don’t go much into the plot, it’s because there isn’t much to go into. It’s your standard story: Boy-Meets-Girl. Boy-Beats-Up-A-Bunch-Of-People-For-No-Reason-To-Impress-Girl. Boy-Watches-Girl-Touch-Herself. Boy-Changes-Into-Hedgehog-To-Get-Into-Girl’s-House-To-Trick-Her-Into-Falling-In-Love-With-Him. Boy-Loses-Girl. Boy-Gets-Into-Horrible-Motorcycle-Accident. Boy-Gets-Girl. It all follows the standard erotica tropes, to include the mating dance of misunderstanding, clashing egos and unrequited (and eventually requited, but that’s the least interesting part) sexual desire. I’ll go light on the details, but suffice to say it includes a great deal of descriptive moaning and so much blood flowing to so many extremities for such extended periods that you start to worry shapeshifters all meet early ends due to complications from edema. The sex in Hedging His Bets did run uncomfortably wild for me, ranging past edgy and into the realm of . . . uh . . . look, let me just say it appears to be working for the book’s characters, and everybody winds up happy in the end.But if you can look past the Peeping Tom fantasies, the stale-beer tang of Honey’s dive bar, or the fact that the novel’s main love-interest routinely shapeshifts from a hunky biker into a miniscule member of the order Erinaceomorpha with a propensity to build dens and a lifespan of just five years, you are left with a story of two unlikely lovers, and the obstacles they must overcome to build love together. Hedging His Bets reminds us that love is, at its root, a choice we must each make every day, willingly choosing to look past the limitations of our partners. Whether they have a propensity to pummel innocent tavern-goers in an effort to impress us, or to lapse into moody silence astride their 2500 cc Boss-Hoss, or even engage in frantic digging to escape the attention of a Badger or European Eagle Owl, we must love them, quills and all.Hedging His Bets may not be a good book, but it’s speaking to an important theme in a bold and innovative way, and for that, it deserves to be commended. Public service announcement: If a man tries to have sex with you, while you are asleep, without your express consent, do not under any circumstances let him back in your house. I don't care if he's magic or a biker or hot. You're going to have a bad time.This book read like bad fanfiction. Weird lead ups to overly graphic and not so sexy sex, poorly researched hedgehog behaviors, and buttplay on a first date. No thank you.
What do You think about Hedging His Bets (2013)?
I really like the book, but wish it was longer so there could have been more back story on Black.
—Angiee
If you skim over the raunchy-nous, this is one of the funniest books I've ever read.
—Cat
i thank this book is very help for my real lyf
—MsMoe
cute. First time Hedgehog shifter o.O LOL
—gagatck
