How to Break Up Okay, I’ve broken down the details of the trifling fools I’ve dated, and maybe you’re like, Ohmigod I am so dating someone just like that right now! How do I break up with them? And what do I do when I’m all broken up? Well, you go to Paris. But first let’s dump these chumps! I’ve always found relationships very hard to get out of. Not everyone is like this. Some people are wild heartbreakers, terrified of commitment, quick to bolt the minute you up the intimacy level by, say, making them breakfast in bed. This just happened to a dear friend of mine. The dude broke it off while they were naked and cuddling, haunted by the grocery bags in the kitchen filled with bacon and eggs and fruit and coffee. Being loved that sweetly was too much for him. You do not want to date a person so threatened by love he can’t even allow you to scramble him some eggs, so sometimes getting dumped is a blessing. You want to find someone you can dote on and make crush crafts for and bake late-night brownies for and whatnot.
