Stupid, sticky, emotions kept getting in my way. I was falling hard for Siva. He was changing and who he was becoming was the person I thought he was always meant to be. And he was amazing. He still had his moments where his mood would darken but it was happening less and less. But then I would think about Dev and feel like my feelings for Siva were wrong, so wrong. Especially because I was starting to think that Siva’s words on the beach were right and I hadn’t been in love with Dev. My feelings for Siva were so different, so much stronger. I felt sick when he was away and I had never felt like that with Dev. It was heartbreaking because I did love him, both of them. Sometimes I wondered what would have happened if Dev hadn’t died. Would I just have gone on my merry way? Settled down with him and had kids and never known what I was missing? I was pretty sure the answer was yes. Now I couldn’t imagine my life without this moody, crazy, arrogant man. We complemented each other so well.
