I Feel Bad About My Neck What I Wish I’d KnownPeople have only one way to be. Buy, don’t rent. Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from. Don’t cover a couch with anything that isn’t more or less beige. Don’t buy anything that is 100 percent wool even if it seems to be very soft and not particularly itchy when you try it on in the store. You can’t be friends with people who call after 11 p.m. Block everyone on your instant mail. The world’s greatest babysitter burns out after two and a half years. You never know. The last four years of psychoanalysis are a waste of money. The plane is not going to crash. Anything you think is wrong with your body at the age of thirty-five you will be nostalgic for at the age of forty-five. At the age of fifty-five you will get a saggy roll just above your waist even if you are painfully thin. This saggy roll just above your waist will be especially visible from the back and will force you to reevaluate half the clothes in your closet, especially the white shirts. Write everything down. Keep a journal. Take more pictures. The empty nest is underrated. You can order more than one dessert. You can’t own too many black turtleneck sweaters. If the shoe doesn’t fit in the shoe store, it’s never going to fit. When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. Back up your files. Overinsure everything. Whenever someone says the words “Our friendship is more important than this,”
