I'm Not The Biggest Bitch In This Relationship (2011) - Plot & Excerpts
Trust me, Mother Teresa is a Shih Tzu living on the Upper East Side wearing a Dolce & Gabbana trench and having her crap picked up by Uncle Steve and Uncle Dave. Don’t believe me? My husband and I have two dogs, Ozzy and Sweet Pea, both of whom have a holistic dentist who makes quarterly house calls to clean their teeth. She’s called “The Tooth Fairy.” I shit you not. I have the canceled checks to prove it. Ozzy and Sweet Pea fulfill my own mortifying need to be shamelessly affectionate in a way I simply can’t be with people. I have the restraining orders to prove it. My own husband, after one too many kisses, will repel me with a flexed foot. My dogs are the only living creatures on the planet whose need to love and be loved comes as close to being bottomless as my own. At the end of every day, I am greeted at the front door as if I am a long-lost friend who, mistakenly, was believed to have been dead for years. I sometimes want to tell my dogs that I am undeserving of this avalanche of affection, but I can’t bring myself to break the bad news.
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