"We're wasting time with all this personal sh!t.”WARNING: Sorry about the gif spam. I make an effort to keep it to a minimum in my reviews, but this one needed some gifs or I would go mad.PLOT:Oh, you expected a plot summary of this book?Okay, I'll try to be serious now.Larry is marrying that horrible, evil, wicked Tammy. Anita is one of the groomsmen. Because. She drags along her two boytoys. Because. She is called to the scene of a crime. Apparently strippers are being killed.Whoaaaaa, that was way too much plot! Put that away until the last 15% of the book, because we need to have Anita hump everything in sight. She practically makes out with Nathaniel at the wedding, humps Damien, flirts with Richard, and forms a new Triumvirate. Why? Because.Anita flies by her office to show that there is no such thing as a strong woman not named "Anita Blake" in this universe. She wears a super-short skirt and scanty attire and is p!ssy when the police at a strip club mistake her as a stripper. It's not because she looked like a stripper, and it's a logical assumption to make; oh, no, they are just sexist pigs.And then, Anita hops from one dick to the other. I am not kidding; she has some form of sex like a half dozen times in a few hour time period.Eventually, after whining endlessly about how awful it is to have a harem of men that willingly want to have sex with her, Anita goes to find out who's killing the strippers in THE most abrupt transition I have ever read in an Anita Blake book. If you are expecting it to be interesting...be prepared to be disappointed.And because we can't go an hour in this book without Anita jumping something, Anita has sex with Micah one last time before the book ends.This is THE WORST Anita Blake book I've read. I didn't like "Obsidian Butterfly", but I will admit it was because of the misogynistic themes and the child rape. The story wasn't actually half bad. This piece of sh!t, this horrible excuse for a "novel" should NEVER have been published. It is a badly written, poorly executed, bloated, boring, dull insipid, whiny teenaged wet dream that ought to have STAYED on FanFiction.net instead of making its way into the published world.Let's just get this out there: Anita Blake is a Mary Sue, pure and simple. Any hint that she might not be is completely torn away in this book. She whines about how she doesn't have one single person to call her own - when she has THREE BOYFRIENDS. She can say horrible things about other people - but when Ronnie jokingly calls Anita "weird", Anita bites HER BEST FRIEND'S HEAD OFF. Anita is the most unpleasant, unlikable, REPULSIVE character I have EVER read. Sure, Anita likes to pretend she's grown up, that she doesn't bite people's heads off or start fights, but NOTHING in this book proves to me that Anita has grown up beyond 14 years old.The "men" in Anita's life have absolutely no personality and almost nothing to distinguish themselves from each other. Jean-Claude calls Anita "ma petite". Micah is Anita's height and they share clothes (yes, they apparently do this). Nathaniel has long hair and acts like a freakin' 1950's housewife - that is, when he's NOT acting like a 5 year old. Asher has golden hair. Damien is constantly near death. Richard is an @$$. There IS NO OTHER CHARACTER to these people. Hell, cardboard cutouts would have more personality than these nameless, featureless, colorless lumps for Anita to have sex with.And boy, does Anita have sex!! I lost track of how many times Anita had sex or talked about sex or whined about sex or gave tips about sex or talked about how she liked to fondle a man's junk in her mouth before it was rigid. It was ridiculous. It was literally like reading some teenaged girl's masturbatory fantasy. Like climbing into bed with Laurell K. Hamilton.I cannot take credit for this image; one of my amazing commenters posted it on my status updateAnd the sex scenes WERE NOT SEXY. I would venture to say that 90% of them, Anita HAD to perform or die from the stupid ardeur. All of the sex scenes were so bloated with talking, pre-, post-, and DURING SEX that I wanted to scream, "JUST HAVE SEX ALREADY!!" And I swear, Anita can never have sex with just one person. Oh no, she has to have two people, even if one is just watching. Awkward much?And the ardeur...I cannot believe how stupid this thing is getting. You know, it could ALMOST be an interesting plot point. I can see it, lurking under the surface. The desire and lust that Anita wants to bring out, but her morals hold her back. But it is done SO WRONG. Instead of Anita growing up and learning to love sex, Anita just continues to act like a child and whine about it. Instead of having CONSISTENT RULES, the ardeur basically changes to whatever LKH needs it to at the time. That's why it can be that Anita goes from feeding it every 12 hours to every 6 and then to not at all in a 24 hour period. YOU DO NOT DO THIS. You do not create rules and then violate them. And you don't create rules that make Fizbin look like an easy game to learn.And now, if it's a Tuesday with a full moon, you must have sex with a half werewolf while a vampire's human servant is watching, while standing on his head over a bucket of warm milk.Other characters were equally as laughable. As I've said a billion times before, every single woman in this series is useless or hateful to Anita. Jessica, Tammy, and now my poor, poor Ronnie - they are all horrible people that are no where near as awesome as Anita Sue.Jessica is upset because Nathaniel was single, but now he is with Anita. And of course, who's fault is that? Jessica's. Because Anita is blameless and pure, who deserves every hot man that appears in these novels. And of course, not Nathaniel's fault for not clarifying it with her. Nuh-uh! No man has EVER led a woman on!A woman who wants to resurrect her son turns violent in Anita's office when Anita refuses to raise him. Who's fault is that? Definitely not Anita's! It's totally the woman's fault for being emotional and irrational (I half expect someone to blame the woman for being all hormonal because of her period!)Ronnie feels threatened when Louie tries to corner her and marry her. When the two break up over their differences, Ronnie, in the depths of her despair, goes to a cheap club to get drunk and try to drown her sorrows. She calls Anita, asking for a ride. And what is Anita's response?"I'd had enough...of Ronnie dragging our asses down here, enough of her self-destructive indulgence." Aw, what a WONDERFUL FRIEND. I wish I had a female friend as heartless, cold, and selfish as Anita Blake!!What plot there is in this book is boring and dull, a regurgitation of plots from previous books. It's not particularly bad, per se, but it is NOWHERE NEAR good enough to be able to sludge through 80% of this crap.And then your favorite and mine...the writing! Here are some of the brilliant quotes that LKH GOT PAID TO WRITE. Just to clarify: She wrote them. An editor read them and GAVE THEM THE OK. They MADE IT TO PUBLISHING. PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SELL YOU THIS WRITING.Sit back and enjoy the...Top 5 Best (Worst) Quotes That LKH Suckered People Into Paying Money For:5. "I watched the vampire come at me like a comet streaking across the heavens, something elemental and otherworldly." I have always been a fan of paranormal celestial beings myself.4. "The front of his pants spilled open, and he spilled out. Either he wasn't wearing any underwear or it couldn't keep him contained...the sight of him nude excited me, made me nervous, afraid in that Oh My God, where am I going to put it all sort of way." Quick! Someone get a mop!3. "You don't fall in love with your steak, because it can't hold you, can't press warm lips in the bend of your neck and whisper 'Thank you' as it glides down the hallway in the charcoal grey slacks that fit its @$$ like a second skin and spill roomy over the thighs that you happen to know are even lovelier out of the pants than in." I think the metaphor is dead, LKH.2. "It wasn't my pulse I was choking on; it was as if the terror itself were wet silk, and I was trying to swallow it. Slick, wet, suffocating." Metaphor OVERLOAD!!And my absolute favorite...1. "His pulse beat like something alive inside his skin." OMG, he's ALIVE?!?! NO WAY!! Who would have thought something with a PULSE was ALIVE??And from this point on, LKH is never allowed to use ANY of the following words or phrases again:- frown harder- spill- very male- tight- wet- f@#$ me- metaphysics- blue, blue eyes- blush harderI thought I was never going to finish this fecal matter. I cannot believe this stupid piece of sh!t is 26 hours long. NOTHING happens in this book. The mystery doesn't matter, Anita grows no closer to figuring out all the "metaphysical" bullsh!t that LKH has invented for her life, Anita still whines about having 6 boyfriends and near constant sex, and to make matters worse, ALL the characters suffer. Larry has disappeared. Ronnie is unrecognizable. Jean-Claude is almost never around. Sure, Nathaniel gets a bit of a plot, but adding him as an official member to Anita's dick closet is NOT what I call character development.This is the poorest excuse for a book. I've been harsh on this series; I've gotten mad at it numerous times. But THIS book is sh!t, pure and simple. Most of the rest of the books have had SOME redeeming quality. Even "Narcissus in Chains" and "Cerulean Sins" fell into the "so bad it's good" territory with the atrocious writing. This book is so bloated, so boring, so dull that it is nigh unreadable.I don't to read about what gets LKH off. I don't want to read about her Mary Sue proving everyone to be not as much of a tough @$$ as she is. Because that is what this series is quickly becoming. No, when I open these books, I want to read about a vampire hunter, an executioner that KILLS PARANORMAL BADDIES. If there is sex, great. But when a good 80% of the book is about sex, having it or talking ENDLESSLY about it, I AM GONE.Will I be returning to Anita Blake, Vampire Sex Gymnast? I honestly don't know; this book was so terrible, that I am half tempted to call it quits here. I have taken two breaks during this series; THIS IS THE BOOK THAT I MAY QUIT ON. (In case you are doing a comparison...)AVOID AT ALL COSTS.I couldn't think of a good way to incorporate this into the review proper, so just enjoy this post-review beauty
This is a huge doorstop of a book and the latest installment of Anita Blake's sexcapades with beautiful otherworldly men.This one begins at the wedding of Larry & Tammy whom after this interlude are not mentioned again. Anita is one of Larry's groomsmen. Her dates are Micah and Nathaniel. Hey, why bring one when you can have two?! Anita's trying to duck out on dancing with them when she's called to visit a murder scene. Yay, a murder investigation, I thought, the book is getting back to the series roots. No need to get excited though as it's only a small moment before we get back to the sex with the beautiful creatures.As expected at this point in the series, the book features lots of sexual tension with Nathaniel (he of the beautiful violet eyes and desire to be bound and beaten) and Damien, and Asher, and Richard, and Jean Claude and Micah and . . . well, you get the picture. When the book begins Micah is Anita's #1 bed-mate and partner but as the book progresses Nathaniel finally moves up a little in the ranks. I was thrilled to see this as I have soft spot for Nathaniel.This book was described to me by a friend who enjoyed the earlier books as "boring porn" and I can easily see why she felt this way. The sex with strangers which fills far too many pages is dull, unnecessary and frustratingly vanilla. How many men does Anita need in her harem anyway? It has reached ridiculous proportions. She'd be waddling like a penguin if she were human . . . However, I still thought it was much better than the last few Anita Blake books because the author delves a little deeper into some of the relationships. The Jean Claude/Richard triangle is explored. Micah breaks down and becomes more than just another pretty face though he's quickly forgotten for most of the book. Nathaniel comes into his own and becomes a little less of a doormat for Anita to use for feeding her various hungers and for cooking and cleaning. Hey, where can I get a Nathaniel, anyway?Like my review, the plot is all over the place. At one point Anita is called in to raise a zombie. I had almost forgotten she's a necromancer so it was nice to see her "working" again. But that plot which I found very interesting quickly went nowhere. She's also called in to investigate a suspected vampire serial killer targeting strippers. This plot fizzles and limps to a less than fulfilling end. In between the short moments of work, Anita seems to be angsting about the way her life has turned out and dealing with the ardeur and attempting to reconcile her feelings and complicated relationships with all of her boys.Incubus Dreams managed to hold my attention for most of its many pages which is something most books can't manage to do but I'm on the fence about reading the next one.
What do You think about Incubus Dreams (2005)?
This book epitomizes all that went wrong with this series. It starts tantalizingly like the early books, seeming like it might be another noir-like supernatural mystery. And there were several developments that would be enough for several books, which might be cool if they were followed up in either the book or the series. But I don't think Hamilton had any clue any longer (if she ever had) about where she wanted to take this series. Many people, including me, complain about the focus on sex. In this 750-page book, if you took away the chapters-long sex scenes, you'd have a novella. I'm not against sex. I am against badly written sex that turns out to be filler. And by this point I think the sex isn't just cheesy and pointless. It's distraction. It's a symptom of a deeper problem, that Hamilton will not or cannot develop her characters further. In the earlier books we were teased about where the triumvirate of Jean-Claude/Anita/Richard might lead. Would Anita gain another mark and lose her humanity? How would Richard and Jean-Claude come to terms with each other? Even with my objections to Narcissus in Chains, there was at least potential for how things might develop with the pard. But all that is lost as Anita adds more and more men to her harem, rather than develop the relationships she has. The book is a mess. And not all the sex in the world can hide that.
—Lisa (Harmonybites)
I'm in the same boat. I loved the series in the beginning, it had amazing plots, good characters and it was a fun read but it all went south.It kinda became like a car accident that I couldn't turn away from and a part of me hoped that she'd eventually return to the things that made the books such a success in the beginning.
—Bec
"We're a u-fucking-nique bunch here in St. Louis." This one was a re-read for me. I had forgotten how many of my favorite scenes were in this book. Anita and Nathaniel in her office (the neck biting and animal instincts were very hot), a savage Damian reinstating his blood oath to Anita, her laughing in Primo's face when he tried to best her in magic, the introduction of Wicked and Truth.... *sigh*...... so many wonderful things happen. I really enjoy Nathaniel's character and the first half of
—Cat Russell (Addicted2Heroines)
