"The security guard tells you that when the store was being built, the corporate headquarters sent down Human Resources representatives from Minnesota, and they parked their car in Blood Alley.When they got out, a homeless guy walked up and said, 'Welcome to Blood Alley' and then took his dick out of his pants and shook it at them.'How did he shake it,' you say.Someone else says, 'Yeah like up and down, side to side, what.''Just waving his dick,' the security guard says, making a motion with his hand. He smiles.""In the video, this one employee talks about how she stood on a lower shelf and went to reach for something on a higher shelf, and then her wedding ring caught on the higher shelf and she fell off the lower shelf and it ripped her finger off.She says, 'I just thought I could get up and get it real quick. Just, real quick up there and get it. Oh, but I learned. Never stand on the bottom shelf.'She tells the story with her hands in her lap and then when she gets to the part where her finger rips off, she holds up the hand and shows what remains of her finger.Looks like a baby carrot--you think.You consider asking the woman next to you if she thinks it looks like a baby carrot.Then reconsider.Across the table, an effeminate man with a ponytail and large hoop earrings says, 'Oh hell no, look at that thing. Jesus Mary and Joseph.'When he notices you're looking at him, you both smile.The employee supervising the orientation comes back into the room.She's carrying a box of fruitsnacks and a package of juice boxes.The tops of her breasts shake over the package of juice boxes.Hot diggity--you think, unsure if it's for the shaking breasts or the juice boxes.Either way.""Eating another fruitsnack, you stare at the wall just past the television.A tiredness so tired it's like being dirty.Like dirt is floating from inside your body outwards out of the skin, up and out through the scalp.Water is needed--you think. Sleep is needed. Sluts, guns, and drugs are needed.The air conditioning activates in the conference room.It calms you.Almost cures every problem you'll ever have.Almost makes you realize that you have no problems, or that problems are a giant lottery of people winning and losing, adding and subtracting--and that everyone should give him or herself preferential treatment when engaging with others, who do the same, creating justice.You swallow a fruitsnack, thinking--Justice.""You move a bag of chocolate peppermint candies forward, noticing yourself as a blur of white light on the bag's gloss.Look at yourself straightening a bag of chocolate mints, you dumb fuck.Fuck yourself.Make the candy look nice, you toy.""On the videotape, there's a commercial about something that gets ride of sinus germs.The germs are personified blob-things living inside someone's sinuses.One of the germs walks into its germ house, takes off its outdated, stereotypical hat and coat and yells, 'Come on in, everybody!'--then the germ's whole family comes in and crowds the sinuses, partying.And even though the commercial is trying to make your hate the germs, it's confusing.Because you understand that the germs just want to live.No one really seems at fault.It's like, what are you then, the germ inside this apartment's sinuses.Are you to blame too.It's confusing.""'You know on those medicine commercials where like, they show the germs as living things with voices and personalities.''Yeah.''It'd be insane if that was how it actually was. Like you feel your sinuses get clogged and then you hear a weird voice and people start partying inside your face and all over your body and they won't leave.'""Inside your apartment, you look at yourself in the mirror on the back of your bathroom door.Deciding that your hair is at a 'Level 6' greasiness.Deciding that 'Level 6' is characterized by not only appearing wet, but almost 'oozed.''Oozed,' you say, touching your greasy hair.You consider calling off work tomorrow.I'm just too oozed, I can't come in, sorry.The thought of calling off work is like the thought of suicide, just nice to think about.""It also occurs to you, you're worried that once dead you'll have to watch your life on an endless loop until memorized completely.And part of the endless loop will be the part where you begin watching the loop.Which then forms more loops, each one taking you with, never finishing.An incomplete repetition that is never the same and always unfolds inside-out unendingly.You're worried it's enough to consider that happening, to make it happen.Goddammit." This book...it is really something special. George Carlin once talked about the way he came up with his material. He said there were two worlds. The "BIG" world, which involves lofty concepts like politics, and global issues stuff.The second world, the "SMALL" world, dealt with more personal things. Observations on the self, existentialism, and what not.Sam Pink is a master of the Small World. He understands what it means to be a person, a REAL person, to work at some awful job that you hate but don't hate because if it weren't for that job you'd be sitting at home staring at the walls. He has a knack for introspection, and a truly unique way of looking at things.In this book, he talks about working in a department store. he has numerous conversations. Sneezes. Deals with an ex-girlfriend who still hangs around. Worries about his hair.And so on.I know how that sounds, but somehow Sam Pink makes all of the above activities incredibly entertaining, deep, humorous, and meaningful.Or meaningless.Whatever.
What do You think about La Dieta De Los No Hola (2013)?
Escrito en segunda persona es un ejercicio en el que el autor disfruta de sus propias rarezas.
—rose
