Fuck fuck fuck fucking shit fuck. I walk down the street, my eyes clenched shut and my hands at my head, holding it as if trying to hold my skull together. I bump into someone. A man’s voice calls out, “Watch it, kid!” I stumble on, barely hearing him, and walk all the way down to the riverfront. “What am I doing?” I ask myself. I open my eyes and stare at the blank emptiness of the water. The rain has started across the distance, sending dark choppy waves to the shore. I look out, and it’s like looking within at the emptiness inside myself. I feel like my chest is going to cave in. Then, a moment later, I feel like it’s going to explode. I turn toward the town. I want to go back. I want to take Erica in my arms and kiss her and tell her everything’s going to be all right. But it’s not going to be all right. I’m a ticking time bomb, and ignoring that fact isn’t going to help anyone. I should never have gotten involved with her in the first place. Wasn’t that why I came here?
