After my fiery performance, I suspect it can only be a booty call wrapped in the pretence of romance. He will most likely pounce after the first course – assuming that he provides a starter, main and dessert. If he serves a plate of fish fingers I will immediately know where I stand. A full week of silence is usually the death-knell for any budding romance, so I think it best to proceed with caution and guard the lowest possible expectations for the night to come. It is possible that he has had a last-minute cancellation from one of his many hipster concubines. English boys can be so relentlessly ugly that it’s safer and less painful to assume from the beginning that the good-looking ones have a longstanding harem in place. If after several months of dating you have been suitably fabulous and undemanding, he will with any luck have become sufficiently lazy or fond of you to consider your installation as The Official Girlfriend. Impulses to voice insecurity must be quashed with the swift annihilation usually reserved by American armed forces for insurgents in the Middle East.
