I’ve never tied anyone up before, I swear, so I’m really not sure if I did it right or not. I’m sorry—I probably should have introduced myself by now, shouldn’t I? I mean, we already know who you are (at least I think we do), so I should tell you who the fuck I am. I was born an Ashley, and I wasn’t very happy about it. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for sticking me with the same retarded name every other dipshit girl in the ’80s was born with. Gah. By the time I was twelve everybody just called me Spike, because of the way my hair always stood straight up on its own. So that’s what you can call me. Spike. You know, I’ve come a long way to be here. And I mean that in every sense—physical and mental. Emotional. Like the hippies say, “What a long strange trip it’s been”, to get here. I was going to say, it was a long way to come to see you, but that’s not really true. I came because…well, I guess because there’s really nowhere else to go.
