Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (2012) - Plot & Excerpts
Before writing this review, I spent some time looking over many of the other reviews on here. The spread is interesting, and I think it comes from a misunderstanding of the very limited scope of this book. First off, if you're looking for a book to explain the innate differences (if there are any?) between men and women, this is definitely not it. Further, if you're looking for a book that dives deep into communication theory and has profound statements regarding the nature of good communication, this is equally lacking. The title betrays the purpose. This book is a badly written collection of common sense ideas and tactics to use when communicating in a relationship. Why 4 stars? Because common sense is not as common as people think. I am amazed at the 1-star ratings by "intellectuals" who charge that this book stands on very shaky philosophic ground, and that it does not live up to the high caliber of true scientific studies into communication fundamentals and/or gender differences. Get a grip! That's not the purpose of the book! This book is equivalent to an "Idiot's Guide to Listening, Respect, and Communication, with Easy-to-Remember Examples." Intellectuals charging that the common person should read XYZ's scientific study about the fundamentals is missing the basic point -- I don't want to know the fundamentals of communication (at the moment), I just want to know why my last girlfriend got offended when I offered solutions when she was complaining about work. Sounds simple? Not for all of us. I have a degree in rocket engineering and I am very confident that I could tear a book about "Physics for the common person" to ribbons for making vast over-generalizations and ignoring (what I consider to be) key details in the trade. I could easily humble half the readers of this review if we were talking about rocket dynamics. But would I criticize a beginner's physics book if it generates interest in my favorite subject? Of course not! You can't mock a beginner's book for not addressing the advanced issues. Further, it is hard to argue with the couples who say their marriage has been saved by this book. All idealism and charges of misogynistic text aside - if it works, it works. Period. I find it kind of humorous that those most offended by the generalizations made in this book are the ones most quickly to generalize. You must remember: Not all stereotypes are false, or even bad. When I go to China and sit down at a restaurant, I'm going to ask for chopsticks, and not forks. Why? Because I stereotype all people in China as eating with chopsticks. Is this bad, or just efficient? Many men and women fall into the stereotypes as described in this book. Whether or not you agree with those stereotypes as being "right" or "acceptable" is really irrelevant to the point. Further, the stereotypes are just a method of conveying the information. Gray is just trying to document the two different most common reactions to stress, and labels them "male" and "female" according to stereotype. He might as well have labeled them "North" and "South" for all I care -- the point is not the male/female generalizations, the point is understanding BOTH ways of dealing with stress (talking about it or receding into thought) and how to correctly handle it when you or your partner starts doing either. Last, but certainly not least, let's get off the charges of women-hating. The book is almost literally a mirror within itself, as every paragraph generalizing women has its counterpart generalizing men. While you can charge that he mislabels both equally, those who look at this evenly stacked book and somehow derive a women-bashing lean are simply playing up their own insecurities, opinions, and political stances regarding the genders. The book is an almost word-for-word split between the two (if you don't believe me, go back and look!). If you can only see the women-bashing side of things, while nonchalantly accepting all the male generalizations, then you are reading through your own mental filter, and should take a moment to consider that. I recommend this book to those of you who may not have the common sense that the elitist intellectuals profess, nor the ludicrous sensitivity to one side of an equally balanced portrayal of (admittedly overgeneralized) gender roles
كتابٌ سخيف بحقّ!قرأته إلكترونياً لكثرة ما سمعت عنه والحقيقة أنه لا يستحق قراءة متأنية لأنه ليس أكثر من فكرة واحدة ممطوطة على مدى صفحات.هل يعتقد الكاتب حقاً أن صورة الرجال والنساء التي طرحها في كتابه صورة واقعية حقيقية وقريبة إلى عالم اليوم؟ أم هل يقنعه فعلاً أن يسطّح توصيف الجنسين بطريقته الساذجة فتغدو المرأة محض كتلة من العواطف الثرثارة البعيدة عن التفكير العقلاني والتي تكتفي بتفريغ غضبها حتى "تظن" أن حميع مشاكلها قد حُلّت، وأن الرجال مخلوقات كهوف منعزلة ينبغي تحاشي نوبات "النكوص" لديها؟تقول حكمة الجدات بأن على النساء التعامل مع رجالهن بحكمة وذكاء، وهذه الحكمة أكثر قيمة بمرات من منطق التحاشي البدائي وغير المفسر الذي يدعو الكاتب المرأة إلى اتباعه!كيف يمكن لكتاب كهذا أن يكسب شعبية في عصر التفاهم بين الجنسين؟ يبدو وكأن موجة من التخلف المقنّع بقناع العلم تتخذ لها جمهوراً في المجتمع الغربي، بل وكأن قروناً من بديهيات العلم الإسلامي المتمكّن والدقيق والحريص، لم تعرف طريقها إلى العلوم الغربية الإنسانية بعد.انظر إلى كمية الهراء والتبجح في كثير من كتب الشخصيات وتطوير الذات المترجمة، وستعرف ما أقصده: يكفي ان تعنّ لأحد هؤلاء الغربيين فكرة جزئية صغيرة وأن يجد لها بضعة أمثلة أو أن يدعّمها ببعض الأقوال حتى تغدو الحقيقة المطلقة التي يفسر بها كل ظواهر الكون، وكل حركات الفرد وسكناته منذ نشأة المعمورة.لا يبدو أن الفيزيائيين أنفسهم في "معادلة كل شيء" كانوا على هذا القدر من التفاؤل!كتابٌ سيء آخر.. وأسوأ ما فيه أنه يمهد الطريق لخرافات أخرى، وأن البحث عن كتب علمية رصينة، ومكتوبة بجهد وبعد بحث فعلي، يغدو يوماً بعد يوم مهمة صعبة.لا ريب أن الأمم الغربية قد تقدمت بخطوات غير مسبوقة وغير معقولة في المجالات العلمية "الحقيقية"، لكن الناظر إلى المجالات الفكرية التي تسمح بالتنظير غير الممنهج والمفتقر إلى العناية المنطقية، لا يملك إلا أن يتعجب.يبدو جليّاً أن أوروبا خلعت عنها الرداء الكنسي لكن إنسانها العادي لم يخلع عنه بعد حاجته إلى المسلّمات والإيمان، ويبدو أيضاً أنه كلما تقدم العلم التجريبي والرياضي خطوة تراجع العلم الإنساني خطوات.أحمد الله كل مرة أنه وهبني نعمة الإيمان بدين روحاني وعقلي عظيم، ونجّاني من التخبط بين مذاهب أهل الأرض وأهوائهم.يبدو ختاماً أن إنسان القرون الوسطى -المؤمن بالسحر والخرافة والحكم الجاهزة والتجارب الماورائية- لا يزال موجوداً في أوروبا وأمريكا وبلدان الماكرو والنانوتكنولوجيا كلها، وعندنا بطبيعة الحال..
What do You think about Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (2012)?
This book was insulting and biased. Written from an unapologetically male perspective, it attempts to lump men and women into desired roles. The man can leave anytime he wants, and the woman, to show her love and trust (read: naivety), should go shopping. Yes, that's what his argument boils down to. I am all for acceptance, but when there are real issues that need to be dealt with, they are not fixed by saying, "Oh, that's just what men do." The "wave" section was particularly enraging as an attempt to explain away arguments and legitimate emotions through that-time-of-the-month moodiness. And the gender bias leaves no room for the non-traditional, i.e. homosexual, relationship. All a man needs is a woman, and all a woman needs is a man, right? I have news for you, John Gray: EVERYONE needs alone time, and EVERYONE should feel comfortable talking with their parter, and EVERYONE gets moody...including my father, my brother, and my man.
—Katie
Talking absolutely makes sense when you're not looking for a solution. In fact, it's focusing on a "solution" that's often the problem and distances a man from a woman's feelings. There may not even be a solution, but either way it's more important to listen and connect on a human level.
—Amrita
This book is such crap -it includes justifications for date rape and recommends that the woman just "let her husband do it" even when she's not into it. His argument being how long is a quickie anyway. Put out to get along is this marriage counselor's advice. Without the slightest concern to the impact this may have on her libido, boundaries, or esteem for the man who doesn't care if she's into it as long as he gets some.FUCK are you serious? The layers of hostility that John Gray has to women are out-fucking-rageous and the not so thinly veiled criticism of his own past relationships and "marriages" that he thinks might have been salvaged if the bitches er venusians had been more sexually generous.This is right up there in the list of crap sex/relationship books whom I condemn the authors to be beaten to death with every copy they ever sold. As bad as "everything you wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask" author (rubens?) who said "one vagina plus one vagina equals nothing". Clearly both these men need to rent a porn video and buy a clue. Women do enjoy sex. Just probably not with you, dude. Go figure.
—G.L. Morrison
