Miss Manners' Guide To A Surprisingly Dignified Wedding (2010) - Plot & Excerpts
While I enjoyed this book for the most part and found it generally helpful to know what is expected and accepted behaviors surrounding the circus weddings can sometimes become, I did not agree with everything Miss Manners says. The majority of the book is written in the letter format, some showcasing truly awful behaviors on the part of the family and/or the bride/groom themselves. I found some of it very funny, others common sense (which isn't that common, clearly), and other parts I disagreed with outright.For example, which I understand it's good manners for guests to respond in the manner in which they were invited (thus, an invitation received in writing should be answered in writing, so on and so on -- at the expense of the guest, not that of the host), there is the dilemma that so many people do not know or understand that it is their responsibility to respond to the invite, particularly if the response method is not already included in the invite. Is it absurd and ridiculous to hand-hold people through the process? Yes, absolutely. But on the other side, if people don't respond because you didn't go through the added aggravation of including the response card and stamping and addressing it, who's left running about in a panic trying to wrangle the invitees to answer? The host! So, in this regard, I feel it necessary to capitulate and include the response cards in the invites. Obviously, this doesn't even guarantee everyone will respond since in my experience, there will still be a good number of people who simply don't respond at all. I blame facebook for some of this as people can "invite" whoever to whatever event, but people don't have to reply at all to indicate that they're not coming--but might still show up anyway.The other thing that got me ruffled was that occasionally I felt as if Miss Manners did not allow enough room for cultural and religious practices that differ from what she deems proper. For example, the money dance was one thing I wrestled with. In my experience, it's extremely common in my culture and so I associate the money dance as a cultural celebratory moment during the reception. To the average American, perhaps this practice is considered gauche, bourgeois, or even on the same level as begging for money from guests. That's not the connotation the practice has for me or my culture. Though my fiance and I are opting not to have a money dance, it is one aspect I feel a little sad about not including -- not because I'm greedy and upset that people aren't going to be giving me money -- but because it's one portion to have one-on-one time, how short that may be, with a good number of the guests and because it's part of my culture--as such, I wanted to have it be part of the festivities. No major loss, but it would have been nice. (And we're not opting out because Miss Manners said it was a terrible idea, but because a majority of our guests do not share my culture and we thought it best to forego it.)Aside from these complaints, I thoroughly enjoyed the book and agreed mostly with everything else--including the fact that "it's my day" mentality is not the best way to think of weddings. This was really fun to read, though it's basically just an anthology of her columns. I hadn't realised that Miss Manners was so FUNNY. The wedding industry she reacts to isn't one I'm familiar with -- weddings can get pretty outrageous in the UK and Malaysia, but I think the American industry is on another scale altogether -- but that makes it all the more interesting to read about. I agree with her on a lot of things and disagree on a lot, but I generally respect the reasons she gives for her position where we disagree.She hates strapless dresses for brides, though, which seems like kind of a random item of hatred! I personally love sleeved wedding dresses but I don't see why people can't wear strapless if they want to. It's not an offence against etiquette, I think; it's just Miss Manners being cranky. But if you can't be cranky as Miss Manners, when can you be??
What do You think about Miss Manners' Guide To A Surprisingly Dignified Wedding (2010)?
Wish Lawrence and Tracey would read this. Too late now. Oh, well, at least I know how to behave!
—jtmel
so far so good, now if i can just get the family to read it!
—kanariq
