‘It was the fate of mothers, to remember. What nobody’s else would know or care about. That, when they are gone, goes with them.’ (p. 397)If you follow me, you’ve probably heard me mention Joyce Carol Oates a couple of times or more. She is one of my favorite authors. I’m not only impressed with her abilities as a writer, her way of using language, punctuation, italics as emphasis and much more but also her productivity and her constant high writing standard. I’ve never read a bad book by her. She writes books that are not quite as good as her best ones (We were the Mulvaneys, Blonde) but they are still in a completely different league than a lot og book by other authors.That said, this is not one of her best. Mother, Missing is the story of Nikki Eaton and her sister who tragically loose their mother and how they deal with this loss in very different ways.Nikki and her sister Claire are both in their 30s, living their own lives. Claire lives with her husband and children in the same city as the sisters grew up in while Nikki has moved away and is living the independent (and selfish) life as a reporter. She is the ‘black sheep’, dating an older man, coloring her hair purple, wearing tight skimpy clothes.After a Mother’s Day dinner at their mother’s home, a couple of days go by without the sisters being able to get in touch with their mother. Finally, Nikki drives back home to check on her and finds her killed in the garage.What happens then is a mix between the sisters dealing with the aftermath of their mother’s sudden and unexpected death as well as flashbacks to times before.The few pages of Nikki walking through the house looking for her mother, are masterfully written. The suspense builds and builds and builds. Even though you know Nikki will find her mother dead, you are just sitting on the edge of your seat, reading as fast as you can to find out what has happened. I find it so impressive when an author can grasp you like this even though you know what’s in store.Unfortunately, the rest of the book is not quite as good. It is still a great book and I like the flawed character Nikki as the main narrator. She makes bad choices – and sometimes she even knows it herself. She’s struggling and she’s hurting – and she’s trying. I like how the novel shows how the death of a parent makes you question your life, your priorities, your values, just about everything. And also how parents often don’t seem like real people, real human beings, to their children. And sometimes, it’s only after they are dead and gone, you realize that they were so much more than just your parent and how they led a whole life before you yourself became a part of their life and history and created a new, shared, history.It’s also very much a book about sibling relations. How one moment you wonder whether you have anything in common with your sibling(s) and if you will ever speak again when your parents have died – and the next moment you nudge each other and share a private joke and remember all the history you and your sibling(s) have together. And how when your parents die, your sibling(s) are the only ones who share your history. Both the sisters in this book make changes after their mother’s sudden death, some just for a while, some to stay.Joyce Carol Oates nails these family relations so perfectly. If you have parents and/or siblings, you will have experienced some of these situations and emotions, the characters show in this novel.But still, despite Oates’ wonderful eye for these important relationships and her great writing, this is not one of her best novels. It’s still a good book and I think it’s worth reading. However, if you are only going to read a few of Oates novels, this doesn’t have to be one of them.I don’t want to end this review on a negative note because I really liked reading it but I hold it up against Oates’ own standard which is so very high and that’s the reason why it only receives three stars. I’ll let Oates’ end this review with her own words, a quote from the book. Maybe this will do the book more justice.Last time you see someone and you don’t know it will be the last time. And all that you know now, if only you’d known then. But you didn’t know, and now it’s too late. And you tell yourself How could I have known, I could not have known. You tell yourself.’ (p. 3)
No, no e ancora no.Ma è davvero la stessa autrice di "Sorella mio unico amore" o "Una famiglia americana"?! Sembra proprio di no, il libro è così.. così artefatto, così poco sincero e 'vero' che mi sembra tutto uno scherzo.. Non è la Oates che ho imparato ad amare nonostante il male fisico che mi procurava con ogni sua storia, né l'abile tessitrice di storie intricate, ingarbugliate e dalle mille sfaccettature: questo libro è fuffa!E giuro, sono amareggiatissima perché per me la Oates è una dea e ho comprato ad occhi chiusi tantissimi suoi libri che mi aspettano, ma qui mi ha davvero pugnalato alle spalle :(L'anno scorso ho iniziato il libro ma dopo nemmeno 40 pagine ho dovuto abbandonarlo perché l'incipit che la Oates ha scelto (Questa è la storia di come ho vissuto la morte di mia madre. Un giorno, in un modo tutto tuo, sarà anche la tua storia) mi ha messo così tanta ansia e magone che non sono riuscita ad affrontare serenamente il libro; sì lo so, infantile da morire, ma è una cosa più forte di me ;_;Ho deciso di riprovarci con la consapevolezza che avrei comunque avuto una facile via di fuga se fosse diventato troppo opprimente.. La realtà si è dimostrata tutto il contrario: non c'è niente in questo libro e non è riuscito - nel bene e nel male - a trasmettermi nulla.Mi aspettavo che tra Nikki, narratrice e figli ribelle, e Gwen ci fossero molti conflitti irrisolti, tanto dolore e tanta incomprensione, il tutto reso ancora più drammatico dall'improvvisa e soprattutto inaspettata morte(la donna è stata infatti brutalmente assassinata da un tossicodipendente): ebbene, niente di tutto ciò, perché Gwen era una specie di Buddha vivente, sempre buona, sempre col sorriso, sempre pronta a perdonare e lanciare cuori random all'umanità. Il "dopo" che Nikki ci racconta è un insieme di elementi a casaccio che non hanno sinceramente senso, come il fatto che amici, familiari, conoscenti e anche spasimanti tendano ad evitare Nikki e la sorella dopo il fatto, nemmeno l'avessero ammazzata loro o fosse una cosa di cui vergognarsi; addirittura la nipote di Nikki non vuole ritrovarsi in compagnia della zia perché ha deciso di tornare alla casa dei genitori anche dopo "il fatto". Ma qual è il problema? Boh, chi l'ha capito..La morte di Gwen è un flebile espediente della Oates di parlare di tutt'altro e costruire una storia mediocre e francamente evitabile: non c'è pathos, non c'è.. Non c'è proprio nulla :(L'idea che proprio la Oates avesse scelto un tema delicato e doloroso come la morte della madre mi faceva tremare al solo pensiero di quanto tagliente sarebbe stata la storia, di quelle che ti lasciano l'ansia esistenziale a vita (io dopo "Sorella mio unico amore" sono stata malissimo per giorni, giuro!).. Insomma, - pensavo - un conto è che una storia simile la narri lo scrittore Tal De' Tali e un conto la Oates.. E invece no, perché secondo me la Oates in quel periodo era al mare e ha lasciato che fosse qualcun altro a scrivere la storia, altrimenti non me lo spiego proprio!Un altro fatto che certo non ha allietato la lettura - ma qui mi rendo conto essere un mio unico problema - è che il libro ha un odore strano/osceno/asfissiante. L'ho preso usato al libraccio per 5.90 euro (invece che i suoi -GLOM- 19), nuovissimo, ma cavoli ha quell'odore fortissimo di carta e vecchio.. MEH.
What do You think about Missing Mom (2006)?
A really disjointed read that takes us into the horrifying details of a mother's death and how her two daughters cope. The older and seemingly more responsible one falls apart while the breezy and frankly really annoying over grown teen at thirty something figures out how to be an adult. It's been done before, and better. This was a disconnected read and had too many sentences that started with So! or things like, Oh the pain! I guess I was meant to be in whimsical daughter's head but it was really just annoying.
—M
I picked up MISSING MOM a few months after my own mother passed away, and put it down. Her death was too fresh for me to read Joyce Carol Oates tribute to her own mother. Looking at the different reviews of the novel, many readers say that this is a departure for Oates. I have no clue, since I’ve never read her before; but I was still intrigued by MISSING MOM and finally read it.Nikki Eaton is a reporter for the Beacon. She is hip. She wears her multi- colored hair short as her skirts are. She is the black sheep of the family. She isn’t married and is having a lurid affair with a married man. She is 31 years old; young enough to find her mother, Gwen, old fashioned and tends to ignore her. ”"I didn't visit home often. I tried not to feel guilty: Mom tried not to make me feel guilty. But a kind of constriction came over me when I returned, an invisible clamp across my chest...When will you get married, Nikki? When will you have children...Without family, what is there?"Nikki soon learns. Her mother is murdered. Nikki is determined to find out who killed her mother and brought so much hurt upon her and her sister, Clare. She grows both in character and in her love for Gwen. ”Mom had been strong; Mom had not been weak and self pitying. But I was made to realize now that grief would come in waves and there would be wave after wave, there was not one big wave to be overcome and endured." Gwen “Feather” Easton is rediscovered by this black sheep through these waves of grief and police investigation. She is much more than Nikki ever thought, and is amazed as she learns about her grandmother and father’s death. She finally understands Gwen’s need for perfection, albeit an outside appearance one. Oates is brilliant. Who could write such a poignant coming of age story through a literary mystery? I hazard to guess, not too many authors. Though we readers grieve with the two Eaton sisters, we celebrate the life of their sweet mother as we follow the police investigation and eventual trial. Her descriptions of grief and its processes are on the money and would be very difficult for anyone who just lost her/his own mom. But when you can, I highly recommend this wonderful literary novel.
—Anne (Booklady) Molinarolo
I've read a couple of unfriendly reviews here, and I wonder why people need their protagonists to be flawless. This book follows Nikki Eaton as a self-absorbed, single-but-dating-a-married-man wild child through the discovery of her mother's murder and the year of grieving and discovery afterwards. Sure, she's a flawed character, but I still found her sympathetic and compelling - I also appreciate authors that paint realistic portraits of people and can still manage poignancy. People are complicated. I liked Nikki's voice, and identified somehow with her, and a tragedy which I hope desperately never to identify with. I also believe Nikki had to be the selfish, lonely, flawed character she was in order to show the growth she makes over one year, and the maturity which comes along with learning about our mothers' pasts, and missing them, and choosing to respect their life by emulating the good qualities you might not have appreciated while they were alive.
—Marci
