When I finish I try to put the cap on, just like the instructions say , only I almost drop it like three times in the process. My fingers aren’t working right. A hammering heart should not be affecting how well my fingers work. Now I’m supposed to wait. And wait. I stand and pace two steps back and forth with the dumb thing in my hand. My eyes go from the test, to my watch , and back to the test. I feel detached. It seems like the kind of moment you should be in the middle of, not detached from. This sucks. One line. I don’t breathe while I check the instructions. This is okay. This line is okay. My heart’s beating hard. I’m just hoping that… Oh crap. That line isn’t okay. A wave of something that’s a combination of terror and dread passes through me. My legs give out. I sit on top of the toilet seat, and put my head in my hands. I feel like I should throw up or pass out or that my body should react with the same force as my emotions, but instead I go numb.
