My Heart's Beat (Hard Love & Dark Rock #2) - Plot & Excerpts
It was cold outside, the wind pushing the wet air against my bare skin. I hunched my shoulders up, crossed my arms and tucked my hands under my biceps, trying to stay warm. But just a moment later, I stopped myself. I made myself relax my shoulders, uncross my arms. There was no point in huddling in the cold—it wouldn't really make me any warmer. Better to try to ignore it. For most of the past year I'd relied on avoidance and denial. The guilt and the despair I felt over Lucy's death—I learned to deal with it by not dealing with it, escaping from the pain by training myself to not feel at all. And it had worked, in its way. It had gotten me through those first months of nearly continual self-hatred, in which I'd been seized again and again by a desperate, nearly frantic urge to end it all, to slip free from this life of suffering, to escape into the true and permanent apathy of death, of ceasing to exist. It had gotten me through that dark age of my soul, and brought me to a new life—shallow and passionless, but stable enough to convince Bernstein that maybe the band could get back on the road.
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