My Life And Other Stuff That Went Wrong (2014) - Plot & Excerpts
(And sometimes I like him better than I like Jack.) Rarnald has been on the run in our house for years. No matter what Mum does, she cannot catch him. He is Indestructo-Rat, with a heart as big as a horse. Tonight, though, she has had it up to here with him (about halfway up her forehead). She says Rarnald is going down, and I’m on a desperate mission to save him. When I was little, Rarnald and I were besties. We did everything together. Exercise. Make each other laugh. Eat snacks. Perform tricks. Rarnald was awesome. Is awesome. He’s about five years old now, which is pretty old in rat years. If he were human he would have a hearing aid and his pants pulled up under his armpits. But he looks after himself. ‘Stop encouraging that rat, Tom!’ Mum has always said. ‘Rats are disgusting. They’re a health hazard. Wash your hands.’ ‘But he’s my friend.’ ‘Don’t be silly. Boys cannot be friends with rats. Go and get some real friends.’ So she set a trap. Not a Buddhist rat-trap that catches the rat alive but a giant, vicious rat-smacker.
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