Nonviolent Communication: A Language Of Life (2003) - Plot & Excerpts
As emotional support volunteer I'm trained primarily focusing on self and other person feelings. At the beginning, that was huge jump to recognize that I have such a thing called 'emotions' and could understand better myself and others if I consciously focus on emotions. After a while, I started feeling that hearing self and other person emotions is extremely important, but I felt like something is still missing in understanding self and others. In last 5 years I read quite a lot of books on conflict resolution, self-help, psychotherapy, counseling, coaching and management. Most of that was very insightful, valuable and eye opening. Majority of them suggested models for problem solving and better communicating, self-understanding. But studying all those models I feel, that something is missing or it was hard to realize them in daily life. Some models were adjusted for some specific environments. In some models, I feel uncomfortable. Some was too theoretical, other lack of scientific background. I wanted something that would be simple and obvious and I could use in my daily life. Something what connects everything I learned and experienced.And I found. It’s - Nonviolent Communication Language (NVC).Last four months I spend a great time learning NVC through video seminars, audio recordings and books. Most of I have learned I tried implement in my daily life. In most difficult situations I tried to see situation from NVC standpoint. It was hard. But in most cases I got a better quality connection or opportunity to learn from mistakes.This book summarizes that I found in Learning NVC over last four months.The biggest finding in NVC model was that needs is equality important as feelings. Concentrating on needs and feelings differentiates NVC from most of common active listening techniques, because most of them primarily focus on feelings. So I learned to take more serious to my and other people needs and place more attention and respect to them.Moreover NVC helped better understand concept of primary feelings like depression, anger, shame and guilt and feelings and needs which are behind them. NVC sees person as dynamic rather as static. That changes from the ground how we see and perceive people. This concept allowed my more deeply understand effects of labeling, moral judgmental and diagnosing.I liked a lot that NVC in integrates similar to cognitive-behavioral view of events, actions (concreate experience), thoughts, and feelings which comes from thoughts. It taught me not to take responsibility for other person feelings and avoid blaming other people in moments when I feel unpleasant feelings.For me it’s important that NVC incorporates presence. I have trained to focus what’s alive in person now. That promotes NVC too. Sometimes I feel disconnected, so every time I feel disconnected I remind myself to check what’s going on in present moment between my, my needs, and other person, and his / her needs.For me it was a challenge to express clear requests, and gratitude. NVC taught me to think what I want from other person in present moment. Also I have spent a great time rethinking how I express and receive gratitude.To sum up I feel that learning this framework was fun and greatest time investment. As Marshall Rosenberg sad “NVC is most easy to understand and hardest to use’. So my journey still continues.I’m inviting to join by starting reading this book.
This is the type of book that I would never pick up in a store or library. The design (the earth inside a flower), the subtitle "a language of life," the emphasis on the "Phd" after the author's name - all cues to me of a likely unhelpful, overly cutesy "self-help" book. Blech.But so many people have recommended this book to me that I looked past these things and recently ordered a used copy. For a moment, I thought I was about to be punished for relaxing my previous resistance. Beware: there is some exceptionally bad "poetry" in this book, most of it concentrated at the beginning.But - even after the abhorrent sugary couplets almost made me put it down - I continued on, and am generally glad that I did. Rosenberg manages to lay out, in astonishing simplicity, an entire theory of communication in an incredibly practical form. There are surely denser, more theoretical treatments of how the language we use daily impairs not only our ability to interact peaceably with others but also to get the results we want, or how that same language steadily undermines individual autonomy and responsibility, resulting in today's excruciatingly dismal political situation. But few will set out concrete steps for transforming your language that you can begin to practice immediately to great effect. But Rosenberg's book does that, and I think its draw is giving people incredibly simple and powerful tools to deal with deeply-felt, deeply-rooted cultural and social problems.The emphasis on the importance of changing the ways in which language and thinking are connected for us, in order to restore political power to individuals and communities, is what really sold me on the styles of communication Rosenberg lays out (that is, nonviolent communication, or NVC for short). The analysis to me seems spot-on, and also provides a tool for dealing with the tremendous cynicism, apathy, and sense of powerlessness that exists today - especially where it exists in the same people who carry out actions of which they are critical! I went into the book thinking it would mostly be good for improving some personal relationships and also in organizational work, but I think the potential for NVC is much greater.In short, I definitely concur with all the previous recommenders of Rosenberg's work. It loses points for style and its ultra cheesy poetry, for sure. But it's definitely worth getting through that to get to the meat of the book's ideas.
What do You think about Nonviolent Communication: A Language Of Life (2003)?
Wow.I loved this book and I definitely read it at the right time in my life.I do have a psych/behavior analysis background (in schooling and profession) and this seemed right along with everything else I have learned about positive behavior support, reflective listening & diplomacy skills, etc.I just suffered through an arduous, heartwrenching and extensive breakup that took place earlier this year. I have been in a bit of pain needless to say.When I read about NVC it seemed like just what I had been missing. I have never been complimented on being able to adequately identify and express my feelings and needs. In my culture, the display of emotions is highly frowned upon. However, I have always suffered from this inability to really be in touch with my feelings.NVC is very straightforward and easy to follow. a) action b) feelings c) needs d) requests.I used this formula to make notes of the major relationship events over the past year that I had felt seriously stressed by. When I wrote them in my journal I was able to view them in a new light and see them as extensions of both of our needs not being met, and I can say with a genuine certainty that I have felt immensely better since.NVC teaches you to be first and foremost empathetic with yourself, and then with others. Too often we get carried away in the normalcy of casting moralistic judgments and blame. NVC proclaims that all humans have a disposition for compassion and if we use language that is stripped of all demands and judgments, then we can create an empathetic atmosphere with honest communication.I'm definitely on board.
—Mia Wolfe
I highly recommend this life-changing book. It revolutionized my thinking. It's such an excellent guide to communicating, that I wish I had been taught this stuff in Kindergarten, and again in middle school and high school. The book emphasizes personal responsibility. It empowers one to fully experience one's emotions without being controlled by them. It gives you permission to experience the full spectrum of human emotions, not just the "good" ones like happiness. It integrates human rationality and emotionality more thoroughly than any text I've ever read, by showing how our emotions are RATIONAL responses to observations of met or unmet needs. It differentiates between observations and one's thoughts and judgments about those observations, and shows us thoroughly that it is the latter to which we react. The only problem with this book is, it makes you wish every human being alive had read it! That, however, is not necessary in order to use non-violent communication techniques effectively.
—Liisa Louise
NVC is a very interesting concept and indeed a hard one to implement. It requires constant awareness of one's behaviours.The concepts in the NVC book seem to be a mix of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Mindfulness principles.I can't say this was a life-changing book for me, but it certainly gave me food for thought. I am trying hard to be more aware of my behaviour and how it affects others, and to keep my head cool in potentially confrontational situations.The book was suggested to me because I realised some people had problems with my tone of language. I am now much more aware and careful of the way I address people and try, to the best of my capacity, to understand people's needs and make my needs clear.I have achieved some progress so far, so that's encouraging.The book is a very easy read and provides lots of practical examples. Whether it will change your life or not, I think it's something everyone should read at some point.
—Irene
