I sat outside at one of the tables at the Student Center with Madison, Romeo and Kamiko. We were all eating fish tacos for lunch. “I’m screwed, you guys,” I sighed. "You say that like it’s a problem,” Romeo quipped. “In my world, getting screwed is the most desirable outcome of any encounter.” “Even if Tiffany Kingston-Whitehouse is the one doing the screwing?” I asked skeptically. “Now that you mention it, I always suspected that girl had a dick,” Romeo cackled. “She’s way too much of a bitch to be a man or have a penis,” Kamiko said as she dipped a tortilla chip in her salsa. “Female dogs everywhere are cringing because we’re comparing them to Tiffany,” Madison giggled. “Maybe we could compare Tiffany to toxic waste or puppy murderers,” Romeo suggested. “Don’t kill any puppies!” Kamiko pleaded. Romeo frowned at her. “How is it that me saying ‘puppy murderers’ means it has actually happened? What, did a puppy somewhere in the world just die because I said it?”
