He slides it carefully from its plastic packaging. Mrs Meade has ordered it from the internet. The velour suit comes with its own white beard, plastic belt and sack. ‘You can’t be serious,’ says Paula. But Mr Meade says he is very serious. Health and Safety are on his case. If Jim wants to keep his job, he has to do it in a chair. ‘Why can’t he have a wheelchair?’ says Paula. Mr Meade says Health and Safety will not allow a cleaner in a wheelchair on account of the further Health and Safety issues. Supposing, for instance, he runs over a customer? ‘It’s a café,’ says Paula. ‘It’s not a race track.’ Mr Meade clears his throat. He is looking mulled-wine warm. ‘If Jim wants to stay, he’s going to have to sit in a chair and wear the outfit. And that’s the bottom line.’ However, there are further complications. Despite the fact Mrs Meade has ordered the deluxe outfit in an X-Large size, the hems of the trousers do not reach his ankles and the mock-fur-trimmed sleeves hang between his elbows and wrists.
