my boss Dick said. “Just so I’m clear.” “My girlfriend’s idiot friend broke into my home, stole my uniform, and almost got himself arrested for unlawful entry.” “And why isn’t the uniform back in your possession?” “Because . . .” I cleared my throat. “Because while he was wearing it he got an erection.” Dick stood up and rested his knuckles on his desk. “Let me get this straight. Some perverted muttonhead stole your uniform and was so jacked by his little game of dress-up that he got a raging hard-on and mucked up the inside of your duds?” “That’s basically what happened, yes.” “You expect me to believe that bunk?” “It’s true, I —” “Get the fuck out of my office, Brandon. Starting now you’re on an unpaid leave of absence until I decide whether or not to fire your ass.”
