Shattered. The acrylic paint is still drying on my fingertips, smeared on my t-shirt and all I can think of is it wasn’t enough. It’s never enough. One hour with Jordan is not enough. They’d peeled my crying brother off of me from where we’d been working on our painting in my bedroom. The last thing I’d heard was his my name as Lydia pulled him out the apartment door. Every time he leaves, it’s this. A sucking black hole where all the horror of my life lives. It comes back and drapes over me until I can’t breathe, and I am thankful there are no weapons within reach. Jeremy’s arms are around me, and I don’t care. Right now, I would do anything to never have to go through this again. To never put Jordan through this again. “Hey. It’s okay.” Jeremy kisses the top of my head, and I fight to get a breath in through the sobs. “I’m here. I’ll always be here.” “I have to get him. I don’t know if I can live if I don’t.” “We’ll do everything we can. Together, okay?”
