The Women Lucille was at the front door, she’d given up knocking and was pressing herself against the glass, as if she could transport herself through it by will alone.LucilleThe heroine of the story. She’s a wannabe romance writer with absolutely no talent. She works as a drive through teller at the bank where she has been forbidden from reciting poetry to the customers. Two strange men are trying to kill her. A geriatric former soldier of fortune, and her uncle who has an enormous head and wears his pick up truck like a second, smelly and never washed skin. “What are they doing now?” Bo tried to maneuver up to the crack in the door, but Iris refused to budge.“Shush! The fancy one is getting up from the table and going over to get the...bowl of hard candy.” There was awe in Iris’s voice. “Baby, they ate everything. They’re worse than roaches.”MonaShe’s researching her book by living as a dominatrix. But there doesn’t seem to be a book and she seems to enjoy the research just a little too much.DallasHer husband, who doesn’t match the decor, lives in the garage watching old episodes of Matlock on a small black and white TV. “The crackers were gone in thirteen seconds, I counted.” Bo managed to find a place above Iris.“Then I took in that block of cheese.” “I think the skinny one put it in her purse, she kept smelling her fingers.”JazzShe wields absolute authority in the library! Patrons who get on her bad side will feel her wrath. When a former geriatric soldier of fortune leaves a map tucked into the leaves of a book he was reading she gets a great idea for a thriller.AndromedaHer dream is to write a screenplay, maybe even the screen play of the book Jazz is writing. She rides a Harley and can’t leave home for more than a few hours at a time. For longer excursions she might need some stronger sleeping pills. “After the cheese, I took in the caramel corn. Bo, that was a five pound can!”“Did they eat all that?”“Look over to the left, the can is on it’s side. That was the noise we heard. They gobbled it down and flung the can.”CocoShe's a glamour model / cheese cake cookbook author. Coco is anorexic, but that’s not her darkest secret.IrisMarried to Bo, and very handy with makeshift weapons like roach spray and old VCRs, nothing makes her happier, than making Bo happy. She dreams of a life where she and Bo won’t be interrupted while they are reenacting frisky scenes from old TV shows. “What about the bean dip, and corn chips?”Iris made out the empty tray on the work counter, “Gone!”“Not to mention the six bottles of wine, that’s one each.” “And the skinny one didn’t drink, she just ate the lemon rinds out of everyone’s iced tea glasses.” The MenDriskellWith lips that are permanently dyed deep red from eating too many cranberries as a child, Driskell is a genius at television repair, but he hates paying tolls. He seems to be in Mississippi to spy on Bo and Lucille.Bo Television repair man and Lucille’s brother. He’s the steadying influence for Lucille but he wants to pass the baton on. Is Driskell going to be the man for Lucille, freeing Bo to do his thespian trysts with Iris? “The pretzels?”“Gone. And those things were so stale, the roaches wouldn’t even bother with them.” Iris nudged her husband in the stomach. “They even ate the hot dogs and beans I made last week...cold!”Marvin A geriatric psychopathic former soldier of fortune, and much, much more. He has the annoying habit of snapping his teeth together...and if he wasn’t so incompetent he might just be the most evil man on earth. Shop Talk is completely zany and off the wall. I still don’t know what just hit me, but I think there might have been some LSD involved in the writing of this book. “It’s the old fart,” Andromeda stepped to the counter. “And I tell you, I have had enough of old people, senior citizen discounts; private parking; little scooters that jet propel them around the mall, where they run down innocent pedestrians; and all that change they carry so they can count it out one penny at a time and drive other shoppers to madness.”
