Stepmonster: A New Look At Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, And Act The Way We Do (2009) - Plot & Excerpts
Four years ago, I had this insane idea that I'd combine two families and we'd seamlessly blend and live happily ever after. Four years later, I felt like a complete failure. If I got one thing from this book, it's that my step family isn't necessarily a failure, but normal.I was under the impression that I would need to come into this new household and become the mother. My step daughter and I would bond and I'd have this relationship with her like the one I have with my two boys. Things wouldn't be perfect, but they'd be good. Really good.And they are. Sometimes. But a lot of times they're not. And I took that personally. Like I had failed somehow. Never stopping to think that the odds were stacked against us from the start. This book helped me to see that step families face difficulties that first families can't understand (which explains why none of my friends "get" where I'm coming from), and that there is no such thing as a "traditional" or perfect step family.The expectation that a step family will look like a traditional "first" family was my downfall. I felt like I was standing in the middle of a tornado, my life and family spinning like a whirlwind around me. I felt crazy and that I couldn't meet anyone's expectations, including my own. And this book assured me that all this is completely normal. The most helpful part of this book was the discussions of everyone's perspectives - the stepmother, the step-child, and the father. Not only did I relate to the step mother portions of the book - the feelings of failure, exhaustion, anger, depression, isolation, and responsibility for making this family thing work, I was assured that all these feelings and problems were completely normal. The book also gave some perspective from the step-child. Being able to see my position through my step-daughter's eyes was extremely helpful. While knowing where she is coming from won't necessarily solve any of the issues we have, I can at least come to the realization that there are some forces at work here that I just can't control. Her behavior is also completely normal.And there was even some insight as to my husband's role in all this. I'm on the fence as to whether or not to have him read this book. He still has visions of the blended step-family. I will step up and mother his daughter and we will all be one big, happy family. I can appreciate his feeling torn between the two women in his life (me and his daughter). I can also understand his being blind to his daughter's behaviors towards me. He just doesn't see it. And finally (this shocked me) I was able to gather a bit of empathy for my ex's wife (my son's step mother). Realizing that she is dealing with the exact same thing I am, only with my oldest son. It can't be easy for her either. Do I feel sorry for her? Not really. I have my own issues with her that prevent me from going THAT far, but I can say I do understand the immense pressure she must feel to make the step family look perfect to an outsider.All in all, if you're a step mother, or are considering becoming a step mother, read this book. If nothing else, it will remove those rose colored glasses and shatter the Brady Bunch image of step families that has been thrust upon so many of us. Being a new Step Mom, I initially thought this book was really interesting and validated some of the feelings I have, but the author takes a very research-y approach and I found myself skimming later chapters. Relating us to birds and other mammals and how children are cared for in other cultures didn't really appeal to me, or apply to me. So while I found it somewhat helpful it was also not my cup of tea.
What do You think about Stepmonster: A New Look At Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, And Act The Way We Do (2009)?
I am currently reading this book and have found it most entertaining! Hope to glean some info! LOL
—neng_nong
Researching this and other sources for a college research paper. It is excellent
—horoscopesnchocolate
Awesome read...............BEFORE you have steps.
—kellimr
