In fact, we didn’t kiss anyplace for ten whole days. I felt terrible enough as it was about these feelings that had unfurled like sails. I tried to explain to Justin what had happened, as though it were something I could explain: how unexpected that conversation with Eli had been, how fishy it looked, I knew, that I’d suggested a break and now this. Justin stared at me serenely. “It’s okay,” he said. It was? “You’re confused.” College was over, I was moving far away, he figured. He thought I was going through a thing. Maybe he was right. But I didn’t think so. It was the end of the semester. We were squeezing in last choir concerts and extra rehearsals for the album we were recording, spending tens of hours each week in the studio. I saw Eli almost every day. We didn’t tell our friends that anything had changed, and by all outward appearances, nothing had. In between concerts, rehearsals, and studio sessions, I’d convince myself I had made the whole thing up.
