I kept looking back on what he'd said about subspace. The idea of my mind going blank still intrigued me, but it was also somewhat worrisome. What did I have if not my thoughts? My awareness? It's the same concern that kept me from becoming a heavy drinker. The possibility of not knowing where I was, who I was with or what I was doing made my teeth ache. And while the subs I'd had sessions with said subspace isn’t the same thing, it still bothered me. I wanted it, but what if I didn't remember it? How much time passed between subspace and my coming out of it? What if I dropped? Subdrop didn't sound appealing at all. It's something I had yet to bring up with Daniel, but seeing as I'd dealt with my fair share of depression in the past, subdrop sounded even less inviting than subspace. Was the act of dropping or feeling so alone and abandoned worth the brief freeing moment some describe by reaching subspace? You could always ask them. I was in the middle of a session with one of my sub clients, but bringing myself into those sessions was completely uncalled for, even if it would've offered me some peace of mind.
