In fact, true Leftites are serious-minded individuals with a deep commitment to their political ideals, and should instead be derided for that. Dwelling in the inner cities, but often undertaking short migrations to the country to join anti-logging protests, Leftites are characterised mainly by their deep concern for the state of the world, and their strong desire that it become a kinder, gentler place to live in, where man can love his brother and women find political activism sexually attractive. What the Leftite craves most of all is respect; his hunger for respect will drive him to endure extreme tests of his physical and mental strength – sit-ins, hunger strikes, John Butler concerts. So intense is this craving, the Leftite is liable to binge and sometimes overdose when he actually gets some respect, which can lead to social dislocations such as wildcat strikes, anti-war marches, and protracted Senate negotiations on tax bills. It is also responsible for the permanent air of wistful sadness the average Leftite carries with him – sadness for a world that just doesn’t understand.When encountering Leftites in the wild, it is best to be cautious: do not approach a Leftite unless you’re quite certain there has been no recent adverse ruling in the industrial court.
