Let me take you back to the beginning: In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth...no no no. Not the biblical beginning, although kudos God for this kick ass planet. I was talking about the beginning of my gangly little awkward story (are you tired of me emoting yet?) To Phoenix we go, the birthplace of oppressive heat (and some pretty decent chalupas too). But even though it was 120 degrees in the shade, at least it was a dry heat. Anywho, there I was, just pouting my life away. Then my Mother had the nerve to go and be happy, leaving me to be sullen and oversensitive alone. What ever happened to "the family that mopes together, stays together"? Yup, my Mom went and got smitten like a newborn kitten, marrying a minor league baseball player (way to hit a home run Ma). Baseball analogies were not so kind to me though. My life turned into one big whiff as my Mom shipped me off to Spork, Washington so she could canoodle in private. *** Wow. It turned out Washington state was as rainy as my disposition (and I was worried I'd have nowhere to brood). My Dad picked me up with as much interest as anyone would having a teenager pawned off on them. You'd think we'd have a lot to catch up on after so many years apart, but my Father could only carry on conversations with saxophones. At first I thought it was strange that a man could be fluent in brass instruments yet dumbstruck by English. Then I saw the creepy, isolated, middle of nowhere adjacent cabin he lived in and the years of bumbling awkwardness finally made sense.
What do You think about The Complete Sparkling Vampire Parody Collection (1-4)?
