The Housewife Assassin's Garden Of Deadly Delights - Plot & Excerpts
Pests should be deterred at all costs, except for that of your plants’ lives, and your own. That being said, consider extermination methods that aren’t toxic to your garden, let alone those you love. For example, bury an empty tuna can in dirt up to its rim, then fill with beer. Slugs get a hangover, fall asleep, and drown. (Yes, I can imagine it reminds you of your sorority days.) Also, to eradicate earwigs, leave newspaper scattered in the yard, to collect the morning dew. These bugs like to crawl under the damp pages, which you can just roll up and throw in the trash. Aphids hate citrus. Steep an orange or lemon rind in scalding water overnight, and by morning your citrus juice can be poured into a spray bottle. Squirt the tops and bottoms of leaves, and problem solved! Ridding your home of human pests in an environmentally safe way is just as easy. In that regard, your garden comes in quite handy, since it’s filled with all sorts of drugs or poisons. One prick with a rosary pea, and you’re assured that your nosy neighbor’s next sleep will be eternal.
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