The New Dare To Discipline (1996) - Plot & Excerpts
Great book, but in need of another update. (The "New" Dare to Discipline was published in 1995 ... now nearly 20 years old. Yes, hard to believe, but 1995 was almost 20 years ago.) You have to be willing to ignore or look past some of the things that reflect the way things were in the 80's and 90's. Things have changed since then, and so have both children and their parents.Since I have young kids, the first half of the book was the most insightful for me. (The 2nd half of the book deals with raising school-aged children, talking mainly about issues kids face with learning at school and also sexual education / morality.)Best principles for me?(1) Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If you give your kids instruction, and they don't listen -- back up your words with actions (not more words, warnings, etc.). He suggests parents get extremely creative about the actions they use to back up their words. This has already inspired us to stop giving endless warnings to the kids ... but instead to calmly back up our words with action-based discipline that results in the appropriate level of discomfort to the kids (with the objective of helping them remember -- next time -- to listen and obey).(2) There is a difference between immaturity and disrespect. When a child shows disrespect or issues a direct challenge to parental authority (as opposed to just forgetfulness, inattentiveness, lack of self-discipline, etc.), Dobson suggests dealing with it in a decisive manner. That helps me a lot ... when my kids are showing immaturity, my objective is to teach them and coach them to maturity. When they show disrespect and challenge for our authority, that calls for a completely different kind of discipline that demands their respect and obedience.(3) Dobson believes in rewarding kids as they learn and mature (through praise and through tangible rewards), and he has lots of great ideas for how to do it effectively. He suggests kids learn to earn money and privileges by showing responsibility in the home.(4) Dobson reminds parents to shower their kids with love, create an environment of light-heartedness mixed with good humor, and spend lots of time enjoying them and encouraging them. He does a great job showing the balance between love and discipline.Overall, 3 stars ... would be 4 stars if it were updated, for example, with advice to parents raising kids in today's post-Christian social environment, or how to manage the challenges created by today's world of smart phones, tablets, social networking, etc.
I have a feeling that many people who will read this book, or more than likely, never read this book, believe that this book is primarily about spanking your children. They would probably believe Dobson's methods or ideas are out of touch and/or just wrong. Honestly, I haven't made up my mind about spanking yet, but I do know that his book is less about spanking and more about consistent discipline that is done with love and authority, one that will hopefully provide great, healthy boundaries for your children and respect for their parents. You could probably omit the word spanking or things of that nature and still find great benefit from this book. While he seems to be dismissive of some behavioral psychologists early in the book, his methods of reward and punishment borrow heavily from their tradition. And I would say he emphasizes reward more over punishment. Some parenting books I've read give ambiguous guidance and insight into how to be a loving parent, but no real tips or tricks. This book actually provides nice charts and methods to use for chores and other things like that. Now, my main criticism of Dobson is when he turns into the old man on the front porch, railing against the way society is today. He can be very political and terminology for people and certain ideas are often cringeworthy. I could have done without his lectures on the evils of "safe sex" education in the schools or his thoughts on communism. Overall, I think we will be keeping this book around. As I said, I don't agree with everything he says, but if I can't think of any books I've read recently where I've agreed with everything they advocate.
What do You think about The New Dare To Discipline (1996)?
Although still gestating at this moment, the aspect of bearing children that frightens me the most is not the physical abuse pregnancy inflicts on my body, not the pain of labor, but the fact that I'm going to have to discipline my child. I was never good at it as a baby-sitter or Sunday school teacher, and I know that i'm not going to magically acquire the skills to discipline my children just because they happen to enter the world and be mine. I highly recommend this book - the first half was a super quick read for me, and I feel like I learned so much from it. The second half deals a little more heavily with discipline (or lack thereof) within the school system, and I found it to be a little dry. However, I still recommend that parents and educators alike read this book and glean from it the wisdom that Dr. Dobson has acquired in his many years as a therapist and parent. This book will continue to serve as a reference to us in the years to come, and I imagine it to become a dog-eared, well-worn book on the shelf.
—Francine
This book me a while to get through. But I am done! I borrowed this from my Bishops wife and I think I am going to have to buy my own copy so I can read it again and again! I like Dr. Dobson's philosophy! I think he is right on. He is very conservative but I really like that! Its refreshing! I learned that I am in charge! I don't know why we forget that, but it felt good to read it. He told a story about a mom who called about her six month old son's fever and he asked what his temperature was and she said "I don't know he won't let me check it"...ok sadly enough I heard myself in that lady! The kid was six months old and he already won at the battle of control! He also refers to sex education and teen discipline its a little early for me but that is why I want to buy this book to refer back too! I highly recomend this book to anyone who feels they are out of control. Now to read the first Dare to Discipline!! :)
—Lisa
This is a tough book to review. The first 4 chapters are about disciplining your child, with a strong emphasis on spanking. My husband & I choose not to spank. Especially after reading the excellent parenting books, The Five Love Languages of Children and Personality Plus for Parents, I believe that spanking isn't a good way to discipline, and there are even some children who would be damaged emotionally by it. I just tried to replace "spanking" with "timeouts" in my head. The next section covered education, which I believe is primarily the parents' responsibility, so I enjoyed that. Even there, he is a little old fashioned and seems to believe that sitting still and memorizing rote facts is beneficial. And parts of that section were dry. But there was a lot of good stuff in there, too. The last section was about morality, and I appreciated that section. At the end of the book, he gives another good dose of spanking advice, and even seems to give the impression that if you are a good Christian parent, you must spank your children. I don't believe it. I just wish he offered more creative and appropriate ways of disciplining young children. He manages to come up with creative ideas for teenagers (he doesn't believe in spanking them). So, if you can get past all the spanking propaganda, you can find some good advice in this book.
—Ruth Hinds
